Real World
My Roommate, He Wrote Me a Letter

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My Roommate, He Wrote Me a Letter

Eric's one-on-one. He says, "I don't know how to explain it. Things are just sort of crazy in here." Montage of people dancing, eating, burping, screaming, laughing and fighting.

Becky and her babushka on the rooftop. She explains that they had to have a house meeting because of all the craziness going on.

Oh God. The Meeting. Eric is dressed in total wannabe homeboy gear, down to the heavy knit cap, the flannel, and the big wraparound shades. He's got one leg propped on a chair and starts yelling about starting the meeting. Please. God. Kill him. Norman and Becky are also wearing sunglasses. What.The.Fuck? People, PLEASE.

They all start asking why Kevin isn't there. Eric says Kevin wouldn't have anything to say anyway, since he's never there. Julie asks why they think Kevin never sleeps at the loft. I say that it's really easy to pick on Kevin instead of addressing why they're all mannerless brats. Oh, for a paddle with a spike at the end of it.

Eric starts flapping his gums about how he can't stand the smell of smoke while he's sleeping. Montage of Andre and Becky smoking. Someone asks, "Are you talking to Becky or Andre?" And Eric says, "Becky, because Andre sleeps until four." They agree that smoking shall be limited to certain hours, etc. Eric says, with a big shit-eating grin, "See how easy this is? This is great." I have a psychotic break and imagine, in vivid detail, about making Eric's shit-eating grin a reality.

Heather's one-on-one. She is cracking me up. She says, "If I don't kill Eric first, Andre will." Cut to Andre staring at Eric like he's imagining vivisecting him. Or I could be projecting. Heather says, "I don't know who'll choke him first. [pause] I don't even want to kill Eric, I just want to choke him." I love Heather.

More of Eric spouting off about how dirty the kitchen is, and how he walked in one night to find Julie and Heather cleaning up everyone else's mess. Julie turns all Mary Poppins and says, "No one made us clean that, Eric," although, I guess she is disagreeing with him. Ooh, and I hate to say it, but I agree with him. The apartment is a sty. During his one-on-one, Andre says, "My roommates. Are. Pigs."

Montage of general pigishness. More of Eric yelling about how they need to just put the dishes in the dishwasher after they eat. While I agree with his general statement, I disagree with his priggish superiority. The little snot.

Heather interrupts Eric's monologue as Kevin walks in by saying, "Lord have mercy, I'm so glad you're here."

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