Real World
Montana Gets A New Mattitude

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Montana Gets A New Mattitude

Inside the house, Montana assumes the position of lying in bed and wha-wha-wha-ing the series away to whichever kind, poor sap will take five seconds out of her non-busy day to listen to her. Oh, hello, Elka. Welcome to your brief, peripheral goody-goody guest spot of the week. How well you fill the role. Elka dispenses some cryptic, Yoda-like advice of her own, at least until Sean begins yelling inaudible blah-di-blah through the walls and crashes the conversation dressed in only a blanket and hopefully at least some form of undergarment below said blanket, shaking his sexually expressive Sean-ness right there in front of you and me and God and everyone. He lies down on Elka's bed and preaches that he's tired of hearing Montana "piss and moan" about her excess of men, and that Montana couldn't even bring herself to care about the status of her relationship with Vaj until she heard he was dating another girl. Dang. How I hate it to the core of my soul when Sean is right about anything. But rather than this sermon creating some actual domestic tension as would be the case during any other season, Montana merely jumps on top of him and makes playful with his naked, naked self. On Elka's bed. Elka takes refuge from the carnal badness on Montana's bed. When Montana finally calms down and allows Sean to crawl back onto his broken-down soapbox, Sean tells Montana that Vaj has risen in her esteem "in one phone call conversation." Not sure all those words were necessary, but it does prove a point. He calls her a hypocrite, and she dives on him again. He runs out of the room. She grabs a broom and, defying explanation, pries off the blanket to reveal the white boxer briefs lurking underneath. You know what would go really, really well with that scene? A full frontal lobotomy to wash away the image of Sean parading around the house in some repellent form of skivvies. Again.

Genesis is on the phone with Adam, and Sean is lingering around the place in his the-way-nature-intended-us-to-see-him outfit of "dressed." Genesis is telling Adam that Jason is coming to the bar tonight. Uh. Huh. And, "oddly enough," Sean wants to go again. Sigh. Sadly, it's not that odd. I'm not sure how to phrase the question, specifically, but if your response at any point included the suspicion, "so he could see two girls gettin' it on," I'm gonna have to go out of my way to agree that that is probably the case.

Over at the club, Sean and Jason stand in separate corners looking on inquisitively, because apparently the social illness that is homosexuality doesn't work on television without a skittish-straight-people-onlooker dynamic for the folks at home to identify with. Genesis dances a naughty, naughty dance with a girl wearing a pink spandex suit. Hey, look. Girl/girl action with two guys looking on from the side of the dance floor. I don't think this episode has fetishized lesbianism quite enough yet so far. How about outfitting them both in skintight cheerleader outfits and locking the two girls in a cage just to see how much more deviant this can become. Genesis reports in VO, "The girl I was dancing with, she was absolutely gorgeous, and she ended up grabbing me and laying a kiss on me. And the first thing that rang through my head after that was, 'Oh, my God. Tammy is going to kick my ass.'" Pink spandex? I might join Tammy just on general principle.

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Real World

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