Real World
Meet and Greet and Moan and Groan

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Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
Meet and Greet and Moan and Groan

There's this horrible thwack-thonky music playing as we see the Winnie carrying Dom, Tami and Jon across America to their "swanky" pad in Los Angeles. Tami, in huge sunglasses and her requisite massive steel hoop earrings, tells the camera that the three of them went to a restaurant and ordered an appetizer plate, which came with stuff like rattlesnake, and "oysters." We see Jon and Dom chowing down on these so-called oysters, while Tami, naturally, chortles in the background. A tall, extremely frightening-looking man in a Stetson and full-on ZZ-Top-esque beard approaches the table and asks how they liked the "cow fries." Jon, in a Stetson of his own (complete with a tiny paper flag of Texas stuck in the brim), looks confused and says they had oysters. Tami laughs maniacally, hoop earrings smacking her in the face. Dom, in an interview, tells us that he didn't think they were actually oysters, but that they were "deep fried something." Oh, God, let's cut to the chase. ZZ-Top Dude tells the kids that the "oysters" were actually "bull's balls." ["They're known as prairie oysters, so you can see from whence their confusion arose." -- Wing Chun] Yum! Tami's laughter grows to hysterical proportions. Dom grins. Jon just looks slightly disgusted. That little scene closes with a shot of a cow looking at her ass. I don't know why they didn't use a shot of, oh, say, a bull, but who am I to question the genius of Bunim-Murray Productions?

Whatever. We learn from a street sign that the gruesome threesome is in Taos, New Mexico. Dom tells us that, while in a bar in Taos, he met a man who owns "a ski place." Jon tells us that he thought skiing "would be fun. No problem." We then see the three wacky kids attempting to ski -- in jeans, all of them. Dom, who is also risking his leather jacket, seems to maneuver rather well, but Tami gets her right ski caught in her hoop earring and bites it, and Jon can't even stand up. Nevertheless, the three of them seem to be having a good time, wet jeans and all.

In an interview, Tami tells us that, in Taos, Dom went to a bar (no way!) and met a couple of girls, whom he decided ought to "take [them] to Sedona." Dom confesses that he'd "had a couple of cocktails" (really? Seriously? No!), and he thought a little jaunt to Sedona sounded like a good idea. He grins sheepishly.

Down at breakfast, Dom tells Jon and Tami that on the way to Vegas, they're going to swing by Sedona, which he categorizes as "a very spiritual place." Yeah, I'm sure Dom was totally thinking about his spiritual well-being when he strong-armed those two girls into agreeing to be his little tour guides. Tour guides of loooove. Tami and Jon exchange incredulous looks. This morning, Tami's earrings are made out of eight intertwined and dangling hoops of various sizes. Just so you know. She tells us, irritably, that Sedona wasn't on the itinerary. She starts laughing, of course, and tells Dom that she "isn't feeling this Sedona thing," but if "majority rules," then she'll tag along. Dom, in a horrific banana-yellow and black shirt, looks at his plate and genially says that they don't have to go. Tami tells Dom that he has a tendency to make decisions for the group, without asking the group first, and names the ski trip as an example. Jon, in an interview, tells us that Tami is worried that if Dom is this domineering now, he'll be even worse in Los Angeles. Outside the Winnie, Dom tells his tour guides that his roommates "nixed" Sedona, and sends them on their merry way. Tami tosses the girls an incredibly dirty look. She might as well have held up a sign reading, "Goodbye, Skanks!" In an interview, Dom tells us that Tami gave him "a tongue-lashing" about the situation. Her tongue-lashing, which is like a tongue-bath compared to later Real World arguments, is merely that Dom better not "bring every stray person [he] meets in a bar back to that loft [in Venice]." Dom apologizes, contritely, and tells us in an interview that he was honestly sorry for upsetting his roommates, and agrees that he was out of line. Damn! This is so boring! Where are the sanctimonious hypocrites I've come to expect from The Real World? The Matts? The Stephens? Where, I ask you? Dom plaintively says that if Tami or Jon would go with him to bars, then maybe he wouldn't have to talk to strangers. Oh, boo hoo!

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