Real World
Life's A Beach

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Life's A Beach

The episode begins with a few quick clips from various roommates' audition tapes. Remember casting specials? They were kind of interesting, weren't they? I always liked knowing about the rejects. But in the new Real World, they have to get to the drinking and sex as soon as possible, so no more casting specials for you! Anyway, we start out by meeting Randy, a twenty-four-year-old from Boston. Randy needs a shave and a haircut. I don't know about the two bits. I don't want to think about Randy's bits at all, actually. He does need some shampoo. He has that Boston accent though, which I love. Randy interviews that he wears his heart ("haaa-aht!") on his sleeve and doesn't play games.

Next up is Robin, a twenty-three-year-old student at University of South Florida. She lives in Tampa, which Djb has noted is the prime provider of reality-show participants. Robin also has really, really big boobs. I don't know if they're real. They look real to me, mostly because she kind of has walleye boob (they're pointing two different ways), and why would someone pay for that? Maybe it's just a bad boob job. I don't know. Robin is a bartender at Coyote Ugly. I was unaware that Coyote Ugly was a chain. Robin interviews that she thought she was going to go to law school, but that she changed her mind after freshman year. She's twenty-three. How many freshman years did she have, exactly?

Jacquese (prounounced Ja-Queese) is nineteen and from Patterson, New Jersey. His name kind of sucks. I'm sure in junior high, he got called Jaqueef and Jaqueer. Jacquese interviews that college is very important to him. So he's taking a semester off to go on this show.

News alert! Jamie, a twenty-year-old from San Francisco, wants us to know that "it's tough to be a minority." Alert all major media and send out a press release! But, whew, Jamie has learned to accept that she's a member of an ethnic minority group (she's Asian). Well, thank God. Or whatever deity those minority types worship.

Frankie is twenty-one and from Kansas City. She's got reddish-blonde hair and Bettie Page-style bangs, along with a pierced lip. It always cracks me up when so-called "alternative" types talk about how they have to express their individuality through their appearance, and then they end up looking like every other alternative type out there. Like, "I'm so misunderstood and unique that I have to dye my hair with Manic Panic and get a piercing in my face! I like to dress in '40s and '50s style and I love Bettie Page!" Anyway, Frankie interviews that she was always really different in high school, and that she worked in a porn shop. She's sex-positive! I'll bet she knits vibrator cozies and collects vintage aprons!

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Real World

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