Real World

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
The Most Exciting Half-Hour Of Television Ever!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on The Real World, Johanna told us that she has no chemistry with Wes. Then she told us she doesn't have chemistry with Leo either. Damn, girl has less chemistry in eleventh grade! Because that year I took physics! Ha...Eh. Johanna got arrested for robbing a bum. Leo picked her up, and Johanna camera-talked that this showed her that Leo really cared and maybe fanned a few flames of desire (my words, not hers -- she ain't got them purty words). Leo has finally picked up on something I've known for years: when you post bail for a chick, it gets her totally hot. Steal a chick's car back from the repo man: Anal. Never fails.

Opening credits. Mel shakes her boobs. When does she not? Johanna over-tans. Neh wears his big dumb necklace. Someone defaces a guitar with a branding iron.

Austin. Night. Dizzy Rooster. Johanna and Mel drink. Johanna tells us that she had a "wall" up when it came to Leo, but that she doesn't now, because of the whole jail thing. Wes stands by the table for a second, but no one talks to him, so he ghosts away. Poor Dutch Boy. Mel asks Johanna what's wrong, and Johanna stares at some cute blonde girl at the bar and then camera-headbands that Leo has apparently also been dating this girl Courtney and never mentioned it to Johanna. If they don't stop writing "Johanna's Crush" every time they show Leo, I'm going to kick someone in the balls. And I don't care who.

Johanna makes Mel walk home with her as she tells us that she's mad at herself for allowing herself to have feelings for Leo, and that she'll just deal with this; she knows she brought it all on herself. Mel tries to make Johanna feel better, and we realize that Johanna wanted Leo to have someone else he was into, but now that it's happening, she doesn't like it. Or something like that. I'm too busy wondering why Johanna's dressed like she's from an Olivia Newton-John video. Mel asks if Johanna wants a guy who "wants" to be a relationship, and Johanna fake-pukes, wondering what's wrong with people who like relationships. Aw, sad Mel. Mel immediately takes offense and says, "Okay, I'm one of those people, you little bitch." Johanna laughs and asks her what's wrong with Mel, then? What's wrong with her is that she is in love with a guy with a caved-in skull. (Holy shit! I just realized that I had a dream last night that I ran into something or got punched and my eye was all fucked up just like Danny and I was never going to look the same and in the dream I remember noting to myself that one of the smaller pieces of fallout was going to be that I wouldn't really be able to poke fun at Danny's accident anymore. Whew. Thank God I don't actually have to stop.) Johanna lets out a frustrated scream, and I would worry, but I'm sure a scream in downtown Austin at 3 in the morning doesn't even elicit a passing glance. Unless it's from a bum reporting flower theft. Mel camera-whores that she thinks Johanna likes to wear the "pants" in a relationship, and that she's mad now because the "ball" isn't in her court. Man, Mel really needs to stop thinking about Danny's testicles when she's trying to do her confessionals. Johanna now tells Mel that she's stubborn, and Mel interrupts to say that she thinks Johanna just wants what she can't have, and that Johanna's fiery nature makes her say, "I can have it if I want to." Mel laughs, amazed at what a pisser Johanna is. Wicked pissah.

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Real World




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