Real World
Landon's Huge Boner

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Pamie: C- | Grade It Now!
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"I Wanna Be the Girl In the Hot Tub"

One last time in Philly, y'all. We can hardly stand the excitement.

Everybody's heading to a gay bar called Shampoo to make Willie happy. Even Landon's going, which Willie feels the need to point out to us. He has to tell us that everybody's having fun, which probably means it wasn't as much fun as it should have been. Shot of Shavonda and Landon having "fun." Sarah's having "fun." Fun! So, a sort of not-really drag queen comes out on stage and lip-synchs to not the song we're hearing as we watch MJ melt into a homophobic spiral. He says that transvestites are something he has not yet "delved into." Willie thinks it's funny, how uncomfortable MJ is with a man in female clothing. MJ feels the need to shout to the entire bar how heterosexual he is, just in case someone was looking at him instead of the performer on stage. He's straight, gay boys. Back up off him. MJ runs out of the bar while voice-overing to us how he's made "big strides" in accepting the "gay culture." He admits that he's still not totally comfortable with it. He's so uncomfortable he's going to have to run home and masturbate before anybody gets home to remind himself how awesome it is to have a dick he'd normally use to be with girls, if there were, any like, real girls who were around and interested. I'm sorry, was that harsh? Suck it, MJ.

Some other bar, maybe, I don't know. They don't care if we know where everybody is. It's the last episode. Willie is complaining about MJ and how he thinks of Willie as a funny little character, and nothing more. Willie tells us that this is also his fault, since he's never spent any one-on-one-on-one time with MJ and Landon. Therefore, they've never seen him as a "man," only as a "gay boy." Melanie tells Willie she "totally" understands what he means.

So it's some kind of next morning, and the house is sad because it's their last time in the house, only not really. Landon is sad that he's going to have to leave this enormous shower, mostly because it means he'll be showering alone in the future. Karamo packs. Don't blink! You'll miss him this episode. Sarah flirts with MJ as he tapes a box. MJ looks like such a moron with that chaw in his mouth. Ugh, there's nothing grosser. I'm eating guacamole-flavored Doritos right now, and somehow that's much sexier than the chaw jammed against MJ's lower lip. And I'm washing my chemical-flavored nastiness down with beer. Back in high school, the boys who dipped used to spit in Coke cans and then leave those Coke cans right next to other Coke cans, so when you went to get a sip of your Coke, there was a 60% chance you were gonna drink some dip spit. And I don't care if you've eaten Bong Water Rice Krisipes, there's nothing nastier than a sip of Dip Spit. Ugh!

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Real World

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