Real World
Kissing Professor Stoner's Ass

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Kissing Professor Stoner's Ass

Business meeting with Mark. It's tense. Mike plays the bad cop. "It's our money, it's your idea. We're going to allocate 85% of the shares, and what's left over? You can have up to 8% of that." Oh, that seems fair. Mark, a total pro, says, "We're going to take a look at your offer. We're not far." Flora blinks rapidly and looks pissed. Sarah says, "We'll hear from you in the morning then! Night!"

Surprisingly, there are no Tense Chords to score this fight between Sarah and Flora. Sarah says, "Mark is not out to make a quick buck!" I don't think he is, either. Mark, unlike the rest of these clowns, saw an opportunity and went for it. Sarah then relays via voice-over, "They don't have to have Mark at all, if they're such brainiacs." See, but they're not, though. They do need Mark. She keeps yelling at Flora: "Who are you on the phone to all day getting advice? You just wanna take, take, take, and take, take, take some more! Maybe tomorrow Mark will give us the big thumbs down, and then you'll feel really accomplished!" Yeah! Flora lets the dog out and yells, "But I'm not going to go to bed with Mark, and you're not going to go to bed with Mark, you're not going to suck his dick." That was not a strange edit, people. Sarah rolls her eyes and delivers this zinger: "You're right, Flora, I've never done that to get a job." Mike says, "Ooh," all Mike Douglas-y. Flora says, "You have to think of Mark as a partner, not as a friend, and I've never sucked a dick to get a job, either." Here I cough and say "Louis." You probably do too. Sarah says, "You proposed it, man." We see the house at night, and the moon in the sky, and we're out.

It's still night. Blues Traveler is playing. Can I just tell you that I used to think Blues Traveler were scum, because a friend of mine was friends with them, and when he was leaving Philly to move to LA that guy John Popper sent a stripper to the party, and it really devastated the guy's girlfriend? She was crushed he was leaving her to go to LA, but the stripper thing was a blow, too. It wasn't until years later that I realized the girlfriend had colossal problems, and that a stripper at a party shouldn't make anyone cry, unless they're slicing onions or something, and that John Popper is probably an all right guy. But I'm not a fan or anything. Anyway, Sarah's sitting by the pool with a guy. The Squiggly Font of Introduction (tm Djb) says the guy is Michael, "Sarah's friend." He has this look of painful lust on his face like, "Oh my god, I really want to kiss her, but she probably doesn't want to kiss me, and anyway she won't stop talking about the business and who the team players are, and the cameras are here, and oh my god, can she see my boner in these pants? Shit." But I'm just guessing.

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Real World




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