Real World
Kissing Professor Stoner's Ass

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Kissing Professor Stoner's Ass

It's daytime. Joe has assembled his roomies. After a too-brief apology, the lambasting begins. Ah, blame: "I've been hurt by the inconsistencies of the group, people not showing up, working part time." Joe then says via voice-over that he's taping this "session" for Professor Stoner. Then we get a nice shot of Joe blathering on, as is his wont, through the eye of the camera. Hello, paging Foucault. May I go out on a limb and suggest that this is the moment when The Real World became far too self-aware and self-referential to be honest and spontaneous? No, that was probably in season two, Los Angeles, when Jon made the beeper comment/crack to David. Sigh. Joe begins to call out his roomies, blaming them for his premature withdrawal. Dan is first. "Dan, I told you about your personality and confronted you on a few things..." What a colossal ass! Dan, thank the lord, says via interview that he "had enough of Joe telling us we didn't live up to his expectations and that we let him down. Tough!" Word, word, a thousand times word. Joe continues his rant: "I don't give a crap-ass about fashion!" Hee hee! The closed captioning actually said "crap-ass"! Then Sarah says Joe is trying to "rain on the parade of Delicious Deliveries," and before I can make a someone-left-the-cake-out-in-the-rain joke, Joe says patronizingly, "This is Sarah's little project, but this is something you're working on for Mark." Sarah smiles in an evil way. Somewhere, Mark cuts pies, then rubs his hands together and laughs maniacally. Joe blathers on: "I'm not happy living Mark's dream. I wanted to live seven people's dreams." Melissa says what any reasonable person would if they were being spoken to in this way: "Hellooo?" Good one, Melis.

The sky, she is stormy. Joe's on the phone with Professor Stoner. Which is also stormy. Dude. The Prof is saying Joe is a loser. Yay! Actually he says that he's surprised Joe has fucked up so badly, since he's usually "a solid performer." Oh, eww. Joe has the nerve to intone, "I 'haven't done the work.' I'm hurt." Prof Stoner yells back, "Joe, I'm hearing in so many ways how you've been hurt by so many people!" Oh, word infinity. Joe says tightly, "You said you needed to know my contributions to class, and..." "I don't know those, Joe." Some ersatz Nine Inch Nails starts up and the vocals go, "What do I have to do!" Oh, boy. They fight (tm Ace). "I have done the work!" "You have not!" You must pay the rent! I can't pay the rent! Stoner really harshes on Joe's mellow and says, "Everyone is letting you down. Maybe you should look in a mirror! Maybe you're part of the problem!" Dude! That was so cool! Joe makes a face, looks in the camera, and pouts. The ersatz grunge is cranked up and we go to commercial.

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Real World




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