Real World
Joe! Get Off the Phone!

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Joe! Get Off the Phone!

The camera zooms over the house and the pool and comes inside to show us Joe mooning over a horrific picture of Nic, the whistle only dogs hear (tm Wing Chun). ["Actually, I think that's tm Sars. Thanks, though!" -- Wing Chun] In it she's half-sitting on a couch, with one leg folded under her and the other sticking out in front like, Hey world! Looka here! Lookit my leg! Innit pretty? Nic will hereafter be known as Ick.

So. Joe has a disgusting phone conversation with Ick. Snippets include, "I just thought about getting with you," from Joe, and "You should see the outfit I got today!" from Ick, followed with a groan from Joe. Then Joe says he really loves Ick, and that she's the first one that ever made him feel that way but blah blah blah fear of infidelitycakes. Hint: Just keep it in your pants, Joe. It's for a short while!

Non sequitur: Melissa thinks Sarah's a tomboy. We see video of Sarah flinging mud at Melissa -- I mean skating along -- and Melissa goes on to say that "by day she looks like Cindy Brady, but at night she's a totally different person. Wham, we see Sarah put on makeup in a black mini-dress and knee-high black platform boots and the roomies drool and fall all over her. Cyn says she looks really pretty; Mike comes in and says "Damn" all huskily; Dan practically freaks out; Flora looks a bit jealous as she, Dan and Melissa surround her and yell, "No, no, no!" at Sarah's suggestion that she change into a pair of heels. "You need the boots for the legs!" yells Dan. I thought she needed the boots for the putting of her feet up people's asses. But whatever. Voice-over of Sarah sounding a bit weary as she explains, "Up until now, we've been clubbing our asses off. We've done nine clubs in seven days." Not bad! Then we get a montage of the roomies getting all gussied up to go out and, oh, I don't know, wiggle lewdly in front of strangers in dark rooms. Melissa's wearing a black dress with a slit up to the bikini region. Flora puts on white jeans, which prompts me to steal a great line from the Drew Barrymore picture Never Been Kissed. When Drew spills chocolate milk all over the white jeans she's so carefully selected to wear on her first day back at high school, she says, "Serves me right for wearing white after Labor Day." To which the nasty "popular" girl replies, "I thought you weren't supposed to wear white jeans after 1983!" Hee. The whole posse goes out dancing except for Joe, who is trying to be "Monogamous Man," a new lame kind of superhero that does not stick his dick in anyone but his significant other. No cape, no flying, no leaping of anything. Except his significant other. Tune in next week to see if...oh, forget it.

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Real World




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