Real World
If I Promise to Miss You, Will You Go Away?

Episode Report Card
Kim: C- | Grade It Now!
If I Promise to Miss You, Will You Go Away?

Scenes of Tonya packing everything she owns into, like, twenty thousand tiny Amazon boxes flash by. First of all, nice product placement. Second of all, wouldn't it be easier to get one big box instead of twenty thousand little ones? Probably when Tonya was in foster care, she wasn't allowed to have big boxes, and so she never learned of their existence, and now she doesn't have the money to buy a big box, due to her endless medical debt. Maybe she can use the money she solicited from the people at the boards to buy a big box of her own. Meanwhile, Keri is reading a map, and CJP hangs out with some Sensitive Guitar Boy. And Kyle, having freed himself up to explore his feminine side after he modeled last week, is putting a whole vat of gel into his hair.

In an interview, Tonya says that she's removing herself from the experience. Whoa! What happened to Tonya's hair? It's like she tried to slick it back with gel, but then since it's naturally curly, it didn't quite work, so it just looks like a mullet. Anyway, Tonya rolls her eyes as she explains that she's supported her roommates like she's apparently contractually obligated to do, and now it's time to go home. Aneesa walks into Tonya's room and comments that it seems a bit early to be packing. Why complain? I'd be helping the bitch throw her stuff in her tiny boxes and kicking her ass out the door. In an interview, Aneesa says there's a lot about Tonya that she doesn't understand. You and me both, sister. Aneesa adds that she doesn't know why Tonya's even there. You and me both, sister. Aneesa concludes that Tonya just wants to go home. You and me...oh, that doesn't quite work there. In a totally different interview, Aneesa says that Tonya seems in such a hurry to go home, it makes the rest of them wonder if she even cares about them. I will never understand why all of the roommates have to be BFF. If you put me in a house with six randomly selected strangers, I would never feel the need to be best friends with all or any of them. Civil, yes. Best friends? I've got a best friend. I don't need another one.

Sensitive Guitar Boy plays and sings something about "tater pie" in the living room. Kyle and Theo both listen in and smile. In an interview, CJP explains that Sensitive Guitar Boy is named Matt, and that he's a friend of hers from St. Louis. He heard her sing once and insisted that they work on music together. It's just like Glitter! Or so I've heard. I certainly haven't watched that mess. Yet. Anyway, I'm just going to call Matt SGB (Sensitive Guitar Boy) because he's friends with CJP, and then I can spend the interim between seasons of this show answering emails asking me, "What's SGB stand for? Don't you know his name was Matt? Duh!" And I love that shit. SGB and CJP sing some stupid song together. CJP has a nice voice, but that's it. Nice. It's not extraordinary in any way. She sounds like every girl who used to harmonize on "Land of Canaan" at Open Mike Night in college and then thought they had a chance at a music career because all of her friends were like, "Oh my God! I got goose bumps! You sound just like Natalie Merchant! Sing 'These Are Days' again!" And by "every girl" I mean "me." Anyway. CJP voice-overs that her plan is to "move to Los Angeles and then audition for things." Wow, that's original. I bet there's hardly anyone in Los Angeles who auditions for things. What a trendsetter! She's lucky she won't have any competition for those "things" she's talking about. Theo listens to the music and then claps when they finish. Probably because they stopped.

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Real World




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