Real World
I Hate Them All Already

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 1 USERS: A+
I Hate Them All Already

Welcome to the first episode of The Real World: San Francisco. I'm sure that part of the reason Wing asked me to do this season is because I live in SF and she was probably hoping I'd be able to provide the insider's perspective. However, I rarely go anywhere, so unless you're interested in the insider's view of, say, my apartment, you might be a bit disappointed.

We open with every clich├ęd shots of San Francisco imaginable: cable cars, the Golden Gate bridge and twee houses in the marina. There's a voice-over of an unidentified man, who I will helpfully identify as Puck, saying that "messengers get a bad rep because they have to tell a car what to do." Actually, bike messengers get a bad rep because they pull stupid stunts like holding onto the wheel well of a car and coasting alongside it, as Puck demonstrates. More shots of reckless Puck riding downhill behind MUNI with no hands. Oh, that's smart. If there's any random person out on the street who's liable to be more insane than Puck at any given moment, it's a MUNI driver. Puck hazards a guess that nobody else in the house is going to be like him. Amen to that. But let me remind you that doesn't mean they will be any less annoying.


Okay, so we start our journey today not in San Francisco but down south at the Amtrak station closest to Seal Beach. Amidst the floral backdrop of her room a blond perky woman informs us that her name is Cory. Her eyes are wide and her grin is super-big, almost as if her face had frozen in the midst of making the "troll face" that was ever-so-popular among the seven-year-olds in my day. Cory tells us that she feels "weird" because her life is going to change soon. Cory is a sheltered girl. You can tell because the producers shot her in a room so overly floral that my allergies are acting up just looking at it. Plus they show her family praying around the dinner table, although I bet God would appreciate it if they turned off the TV while they were talking to him. Shots of Cory looking pensive on the train in her ubiquitous striped top from Mervyns that just screams 1993. The Cory voice-over tells us that she's "worried about how [the roommates] will react to her." What reaction? Cory is as boring as canned milk. She also tells us that she hopes she will be "open" and accepting of her new roommates. That's important because the next person we meet is...

...Pedro, who is at a going-away party with his family in Miami. People need to be open and accepting of him because he's gay and he has AIDS. I hope I didn't spoil that for you. Pedro is also worried about missing his family but, unlike Cory's family, I can understand why. He hugs everyone goodbye at the airport and then we see a shot of an airplane taking off. Pedro tells us that he's meeting another roommate at the train station in L.A. and that he has no idea who it will be. Hey, I do! To make it perfectly clear to the entire viewing audience, we see a shot of Cory on one of those new-fangled motorized walkways. She has never heard of the "stand right, walk left" rule and giggles self-consciously while apologizing as a harried businessman squeezes by. Pedro walks up to Cory in the train station and they introduce themselves. They make small talk while the confessionals let us know what they really thought of each other. I bet the producers are kicking themselves for casting Cory because the most controversial statement they can get out of her is that Pedro has pretty eyes. Pedro says that Cory was pretty much what he expected. He does not say if that is a good thing or not. Now we get a little more of Pedro's back-story: He came over from Cuba in 1980, and I don't know about you, but I've had just about enough of hearing about Cuba lately, so I'm just going to skip this part.

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Real World




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