Real World
I Confess

Episode Report Card
Gustave: F | Grade It Now!
I Confess

I have no idea what is up with this episode. It's shot differently than the others -- on film instead of video -- and it's in letterbox format. Furthermore, it seems even more pointless than usual. You know how you gain possession of a video camera and you videotape your friends acting stupid and self-conscious in front of the camera and because you know your friends, the video is really amusing to you, and only you? That's what this episode is like: a home video shot by someone you don't know featuring people you don't know that's only amusing to the people involved.

We begin with Kat explaining that she's been living with six strangers for the past two and a half months. Uh, we knew that. Then she keeps on going as if she's on live television, and just needs to fill time until a commercial, by babbling on that she never knew her housemates before, and that their existence wouldn't have affected her unless she'd met them. Well, I'd just like to interrupt and say that the existence of my liver has been affected by each and everyone of these housemates, and I truly never met them. I think they also brought some professional makeup people in to do something to Kat, because her skin looks radiant. But that could just be the effect of film vs. video. Video can make your skin look pretty crappy.

It's dinner at Attention Deficit Manor, and a color tracking shot reveals each of the housemates as they try to think of intelligent things to say in front of the good camera. "Does anyone know any funny stories?" says Mike. Everyone says no. "Did anything embarrassing happen to anyone?" asks Sharon. Neil fields this one. "I was lying on an operating table in the emergency room at 1:00 in the morning," says Neil. "I was shouting, 'please please tell me my favorite organ is okay.'" I know I can't exactly claim a shout-out here, because these are reruns, but I called Neil's favorite organ back around the time of episode 3. But Neil is referring to his tongue, and not his brain. No, wait. He's telling another story. Apparently, he was so horny one night when he was seventeen that he burst a blood vessel in his penis. He had to go to the hospital, and they called his mother and everything. Thanks for sharing, Neil.

Now Sharon is doing a confessional. Or rather, she's trying to do a confessional, but Lars is distracting her. Finally, Lars enters the room and lights a cigarette. But Sharon can't have cigarette smoke around her -- since she's a singer and all -- so she banishes him from her confessional. Not that she confesses anything anyway.

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Real World




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