Real World
Going to a Go-Go

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Kim: C | Grade It Now!
Going to a Go-Go

Shout-out to Djb for his hilarious recap last week. I am not worthy.

No "Previously On" segment, because this episode is about Alton, who's barely been on the show thus far. Alton and Steven dance with lots of ladies at a club. In an interview, Alton claims that the scene is "vibrating," which to me might be a sign of an earthquake, so I'd probably get out of that rooftop bar. At other clubs, Alton dances with more ladies. Alton's cute and all, but at what point will he realize that the cameras have a lot more to do with the groupies than he does? Or maybe he doesn't care. In a confessional, Alton says that the only reason he's been "discreet" is because he thinks he might want to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. So he's been hooking up with women the whole time, but done it off-camera? Unless Alton has a different definition of "discreet" than the rest of the world does, which is entirely possible.

Alton tells Frank that he really loves his ex-girlfriend, Melissa, and he hasn't had sex with any women in Vegas because he really wants to marry Melissa. So you can't get married if you've had sex with other people? What is he, Mormon? In a confessional, Alton says that he can't believe he has "an ex-girlfriend that isn't in love with [him]." Um, isn't that kind of the reason she's the ex-girlfriend and not the current girlfriend? Alton tells Steven and Frank that his feelings for Melissa seem to be resurfacing. Like a submarine. Steven thinks that Alton is only remembering the good parts of their relationship and forgetting the bad. Steve is so proud of himself for coming up with that piece of wisdom that he just sits back and ignores the rest of the conversation, basking in his glorious piece of advice. Alton says that he and Melissa didn't have a lot of bad times. Steven asks why they broke up, and Alton says that Melissa cheated on him. Oh, that's all? That kind of seems like a bad time to me. In an interview, Alton says again that he really plans to get back together with Melissa. Alton tells the guys that Melissa was his best friend first and his girlfriend second, and that he feels really good when he talks to her on the phone. Especially when she tells him that she might be pregnant, but hasn't taken a pregnancy test yet. Or maybe he's forgotten about that phone call.

Alton calls Melissa. She asks what made him call. Now there's a woman who really loves him, and wants to get back together with him. Not. Alton says that he might still love her. Oh, Alton. This is so sad to watch. And not just because the editors have resurrected the dreaded Comic Sans Font of Closed Captioning. In a confessional, Alton says that he misses Melissa and wants to make love to her. So he's horny. Is that what this is all about? Alton tells Melissa that he could have hooked up with a lot of girls, but that he loves her. We don't get to hear Melissa's response. In a confessional, Alton says that he loves her, but that he feels like he shouldn't. Alton asks Melissa if she's hooked up with any guys since the last time they talked. Melissa asks what he has to go there. Yeah, that's information that Alton really doesn't need. They're not together, so she is free to do whatever she wants, and hearing about it is only going to make Alton feel worse. Alton says, "Because, homey, you cheated on me. I don't know where you're at. I don't know where you're at with your whole...just, like...I don't know where you're at." First of all, "homey"? Second of all, was that even a sentence? Alton thinks that when Melissa cheated on him, she had sex with the guy, and she hasn't told Alton that. Again, more information he doesn't need to know, unless she's trying to get back together with him. Which it doesn't really seem like she is. He appears to be the pursuer in this relationship. Anyway, Melissa claims that she just kissed the guy, and Alton doesn't believe her. And he wants to get back together with her why, exactly? He doesn't trust her at all.

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