Real World
Friends and Lovers

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B | Grade It Now!

Remember that song "Let's Talk About Sex?" For some reason, in high school, my friend Eva and I thought it was hysterically funny to translate pop songs into French (generally, we'd do this in Geometry, which really irritated our Geometry teacher, Mrs. Schlosberg), and this was our favorite. Well, second only to "Head Like a Hole," which is really awesome in French. In retrospect, that all sounds quite dorky. It was actually very ironic, I swear. Or something. Too bad I don't remember any of that French whatsoever. Anyway, "Let's Talk About Sex" is the perfect background accompaniment for the opening scene of this week's episode of The Real World , in which Tami, Jon and Beth play a game called "The Facts of Life," which appears to be all about sex rather than about the classic '80s sitcom, more's the pity. Beth asks Jon a question about the nomenclature of the "dark brown area around the nipple." Jon has no idea what that area is called, because they don't talk about the girly bits in Sex Ed in Kentucky. Beth informs him that said area is "the areola." Everyone chortles. "During her reproductive years, will the average woman have intercourse over one thousand, three thousand, or six thousand times?" Beth reads, raising her eyebrows. Dude, no matter what the answer to that question is, I think I'm falling behind the curve. Jon shakes his head. Beth asks Tami how many times she's had sex. Jon hides his face. Tami asks Beth how many times she's "[bleeped] [bleep]." Beth giggles. "How many times in that closet?" Jon asks, pointing at the walk-in closet. Everyone giggles and falls over into the shag carpet and rolls around.

In an interview, Beth tells us she hasn't had sex in a long time. I know there's a joke here, I just can't find it. She then explains that she really wishes she were in a relationship, and that she's interested in a guy in Cleveland and a guy in New York. "Why can't I find somebody in Los Angeles that I like?" she asks rhetorically. I hate to say it, but word, Beth. Dating in Los Angeles is hard.

Beth blows her hair dry with a big defuser and a round brush and tells us that her ex-boyfriend Tony is coming from New York for a little visit. She voice-overs that she "has no idea what [they're] going to do." Well, I could name a few things that Tony probably thinks they're going to do, but this is a family site. Beth twitters that she's nervous about seeing Tony again.

So Beth, accompanied by Glenn, drives her ass over to LAX and picks up the aforementioned Tony, who is, I'm sorry, a hideous display of man. Sullen, ugly baseball cap, horrid facial hair, weak chin. He and Beth embrace. Beth makes a face, like Tony's gone way, way, way downhill since last they met. I'm much more interested in the guy standing behind Glenn, who's wearing, seriously, what looks like a cowboy hat and a black and white wool poncho. I have no idea what's going on there. This is why I love the airport. Freaks everywhere. So entertaining! Also, the duty-free shop. And they always have a lot of magazines at the airport. I love magazines. And Altoids. Oh, and LAX has a cute little Sees Candy near the United Airlines terminal, and they sell those little square suckers that I love. Also, a nifty futuristic bar. You just can't beat the airport.

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Real World




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