Real World
Fat Tuesday

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Fat Tuesday

Previously, on the Real World: I missed the "Previously" segment, but is it really that important?

As the show opens, the helpful on-screen text tells us all that it is "the Friday before Mardi Gras." The cameras pan down the street, and there are lots of people -- some in costume, along with coolers, and lawn chairs. I decide immediately that it would suck to live in New Orleans year-round, just because the influx of stupid tourists during Mardi Gras season would be so annoying. President Clinton and his family vacationed about a half-hour away from where I live last summer (and will again this summer), and that was annoying. I figure Mardi Gras is sort of like that, plus thousands more people, plus beads, plus nudity, plus drunkenness. Oh, I'm already annoyed, and we haven't even seen any of the roommates yet.

At Belfort, Julie is in the kitchen, explaining to David and Melissa that she doesn't "completely comprehend the whole Mardi Gras thing." In an interview, Julie says that this is her first Mardi Gras, and she's "totally virgin to the whole Mardi Gras experience, among other things." Hey, Julie's a virgin? I didn't know that! I wonder how she kept it a secret for so long. As for Mardi Gras, couldn't Matt the Catholic explain it to her? About Lent and sacrifice and living it up before giving it up? Oh, I guess she meant what Mardi Gras is about now. Melissa fills her in: "Boobs and beads." David TMIs that it's "heaven for [him]." In an interview, Melissa gives a little more Mardi Gras info, saying that there are "parades, loud music, marching bands." Well, that doesn't sound so bad. Back in the Kitchen of Shocking Mormon Virgins, Melissa reiterates that it's about "boobs, beads and booze," and wonders what more you could ask for. A plane ticket out of there? David repeats dreamily, "What more can you ask for?" In an interview, David says that he doesn't drink, but he's "down with the sex part." All the New Orleans natives around the world roll their eyes. Poor little Julie asks if it's like an "inflated Disney parade." I guess I shouldn't be surprised that someone who thinks it's okay to say "colored race" hasn't seen those late-night ads for "Girls Gone Wild" video tapes. Melissa tells her that there is nothing Disney about it, and David chimes in, "Triple X Mickey." In an interview, David says that during Mardi Gras week, it's "written in the law that you do not wear panties." Okay, I officially ban David from ever saying the word "panties" again. Ever. But clearly, he has seen those "Girls Gone Wild" ads. He probably ordered the tapes. Julie says that if men start taking their pants off, she'll go into the fetal position on her bed. When she mentioned men taking their pants off, David raised his hand. Ew. I have to go take a shower, because I feel dirty. And there are still like three more days before Mardi Gras. I had better invest in some hand sanitizer.

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