Real World
Eight Million Interviews with Melissa

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Eight Million Interviews with Melissa

Phat Matt calls everyone downstairs and then tells Danny they are going to be "super-late" on their first day of work. Danny eats a banana and everyone with a dirty mind giggles. That includes me. We see a shot of Elton waiting in the conference room, and he looks at his watch. As they all file out of the vehicle and into the building, Julie and Jamie are giggling like mad. They all sit down in the conference room and Elton announces that "problem number one" is that they are a half-hour late on their first day and they've wasted a half-hour of his time. Jamie smirks and Julie openly giggles. Brats! I hope they get fired. Elton says he doesn't think it's funny and he hopes they are prepared. Yeah! You tell them, Elton! Phat Matt says the name they have chosen for their show is...drumroll, please..."The Real Big Easy." Oh, puh-leeze. Clearly, they didn't even think about it until the night before. Kelley explains that their "tagline" will be, "We're real, we're big, and we're talking politics." How lame is that? Elton says that New Orleans is known as "The Big Easy" for the two people in the audience who weren't aware of that. Elton also mentions some local awards known as the "Big Easy Awards," but I don't know what that has to do with the price of tea in China. Elton concludes that their name is "a little too easy, no pun intended" and says he wants them to re-think it. I laugh, and laugh. I love Elton! In an interview, Kelley says that Elton is "a hard-ass," and she thinks he knows that when you "get in someone's face and say they can't do it," that person will try harder. I don't think he got in anyone's face. I think he just called them on their lame-ass idea. Elton asks who will be the producer, the person who will be responsible for the entire show, and no one responds because they're all sulking over his dismissal of their show title. He tells them to choose someone by their next meeting. Weren't they supposed to have all those details taken care of by this meeting? We see another shot of Julie giggling. In an interview, Julie says she doesn't like Elton very much. Suddenly, everyone is back in the SUV of Brattiness, and Julie is mocking Elton, saying that she'll "take disciplinary action and write you up." Julie laughs at how crazy she is, and says she's heard that many times, but no one else in the SUV is laughing. Oh yeah, Julie, you're such a rebel. I bet you heard that one when you toilet-papered your resident advisor's dorm room at B.Y.U. The difference is that this is a job. Maybe you had better get your head out of your ass and stop looking at Elton as a high school principal and start looking at him as your boss. Adults have to have jobs and put up with a lot of crap from authority figures to do things like pay the rent and buy food, so get used to it. In an interview, Julie says that Elton thinks they'll slack or fail. Maybe he watched the Miami season? Julie tells her roommates that no matter what they went in with, Elton would have told them to think harder, and they will. Okay, she's bugging me.

Melissa talks to someone on the phone, and the on-screen text tells us that it is "Warren, Frat Matt's friend." Melissa asks what the deal is for tonight, and Warren tells her that they are going "downtown" to "nice places" and that it will be an "older crowd, not college-aged." Phat Matt is in the background, on the computer, wearing headphones he has pulled down so that he can totally eavesdrop on Melissa's conversation and then pass judgment on her later in an interview. In her interview, Melissa says that Blue's Clues is planning a birthday limo ride. Melissa calls to Julie to ask her if she's going and Julie unenthusiastically responds, "I'll go." The party arrives and Melissa is disappointed that it is not a limo, but a bus. Hey, I've been in one of those buses and while they're not much to look at from the outside, they're pretty plush and roomy on the inside. Plus, it's a free night of entertainment, so I don't know what she's bitching about. Melissa explains in a voice-over that it's basically a date with "sixteen or seventeen frat boys." Everyone drinks, and I expect David to bust in and start yelling at Melissa, but I guess that storyline has been tossed aside. Julie is wearing a really casual sweater for this trip "downtown" to "nice places." They all go into a restaurant of some sort. In an interview, Melissa says it was "very nice at first," but then she thought the guys wouldn't like her because she's not "a girl who can sip champagne and mingle and that's what they're looking for." We see shots of some guy kissing Melissa's hand, and then they all eat a ritzy looking dessert, and Melissa dramatically puts a fork in her mouth, and I don't see what her problem is. In an interview, Melissa says she's not a "typical girl" and she feels like she can't be herself. In other words, she can't be rude and crude, but instead has to have manners like a normal person. I mean, I'm not asking her to completely change her personality, but there is such a thing as behaving appropriately to the situation. Blue's Clues is talking to a really scary-looking woman in leather, and Melissa is giving him the hairy eyeball. Melissa comments to some random guy that her "boobs are nicer" than the leather chick's. Then she tells some guy that her butt is really nice, and takes off her coat and sticks her ass in his face while telling him to check out her "hoochie-booty-work pants." Class-ay! I'm so sure he's looking at her clothing. In an interview, Melissa says she doesn't know what to do with herself sometimes and she's scared in new situations. I can buy that, but maybe she should just settle down instead of running around yelling, "Look at me! Pay attention to me! Love me!" Blue's Clues tries to explain about the leather chick by saying she's a "hostess," and then tells Melissa not to roll her eyes at him, which Melissa does anyway. Blue's Clues has had a few too many drinks at this point, and is slurring his words. In an interview with Julie (for a change), she says that Melissa "finds comfort in the attention" of a guy like Blue's Clues, and that she likes attention from men. I'm so glad the producers included that statement, because I wasn't sure what Melissa's motivation is here. We see a shot of Melissa and Blue's Clues all tangled together, sort of hugging and sort of wrestling.

Now they are all back on the bus, and Melissa is dancing on the seat. Then she's sitting with Blue's Clues, who hugs her and kisses her shoulder. They arrive home and Julie is nowhere to be seen. Melissa and Blue's Clues walk in and Melissa asks Danny, who is standing right next to the door, if the "hot tub is hot." Danny responds, "Are you?" Melissa does another dance move in response, and then suddenly Melissa and Blue's Clues are in bathing suits and getting into the hot tub as we go to commercial.

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