Real World
Eight Million Interviews with Melissa

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Eight Million Interviews with Melissa

They go to "Martin Wine Cellar" and I think they're going to get all liquored up, but apparently this place has a deli which serves various sandwiches. Melissa says "cute" for like the seventeenth time on this date, and I imagine Blue's Clues is searching desperately for the fire exit. Melissa babbles about how she'll have rice because all she does is eat rice, and seriously, she has not shut up for ten seconds on this entire date. Then we get a "scanning the menu board" shot and for once, Melissa is not talking. But then she decides which sandwich she wants, and Blue's Clues says he usually gets the same one. This causes Melissa to announce loudly that they are "in love." Melissa grabs a seat and Blue's Clues brings the sandwiches over. Melissa asks him if the food cost a million dollars, and Blue's Clues says that it was actually two million. Has Melissa ever been out of the house before? Doesn't she know it's bad manners to ask how much things cost, unless she intends to pay him back or something? She won't give it up, and asks him again how much it cost, and he says, "Not much," and then they zoom in on the sandwich for no apparent reason, but it does look tasty. Melissa says that he's nice as he takes her coat and lays it on the spare chair, since it does take up quite a bit of room. Maybe he just wanted to be able to eat his sandwich without faux fur flying in his face. Melissa tells him he has good manners and he replies that his dad taught him well. She asks him why he isn't dating anyone, which also seems pretty rude, and he says that he was dating someone for a year but it ended. As they get up to leave, he helps her with her coat and she's all, "Oh my goodness! You're going to put my coat on for me? You're just the cutest thing!" Like, we have eyes and we can see what he's doing so I don't know why she has to narrate every single action. They walk out and he offers to carry her leftovers, and Melissa says that he's so nice that he's "grossing [her] out." In an interview, Melissa has on a ridiculous stocking cap that I can't really talk about. She says that it's "not her" to date someone who opens doors and helps her with her coat and pays for things, and that it's never happened before. Okay, now the entire United States of America gets it, as well as our lovely neighbors to the North, Canada. Mexico, however, is still in the dark.

Back at Belfort, Melissa talks to Danny and Phat Matt about her date. She says Blue's Clues was "super-duper nice" and a gentleman, and she's surprised he went on a date with her, because she's not his type. Okay, first of all, she ordered him to take her on a date, and second of all, I think the cameras might have had something to do with it. Melissa thinks Blue's Clues is not into her, but she'll see. Danny asks her if Blue's Clues is "loaded" because "he's got a nice car." In an interview, Phat Matt says that Melissa pretended that her date was an "all-consuming drama" but really "neither of them has a clue who the other person is." Yes, Matt, that's why they were going on a date, to get to know one another better. What do you want them to do, join a youth group? I mean, Melissa is a drama queen, but Matt bugs me with his interviews, where he passes judgment on his roommates behind their backs, but he never says anything to their faces. Melissa tells the boys that Blue's Clues said they would go out again. In an interview, Melissa says she could potentially date him, but she has to "understand that he likes [her] and only [her]." Dude, they've been on one date and she already wants to be exclusive? Oh, maybe she means that she wants to make sure he likes her, and isn't just dating her to get camera time. Well, that actually makes sense.

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