Real World
Did Somebody Say "Gay Head"?

Episode Report Card
Djb: C | Grade It Now!
Summer Bummin'

A time-burning travel montage acts as an introductory training film for those who are curious about how people respond to seeing long fields of dead, monotonous grass when they're on TV (Omigod! Grass! Verdant! Rolling inner monologue! Thank you, care of B/M and the Martha's Vineyard Bureau of Tourism!) versus when they're not (chirp, chirp, more fucking inch of country road and I swear to God I'll...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz). Elka grunts her satisfaction with her surrounding aesthetics, providing a reaction of Nell-esuqe "unnnngh" that's as close as she's come to a line of dialogue in the past six episodes.

A smattering of vaguely approving groans (awwww, you guys are too, too kind) meets their approach to the Kennedy-compound-esque house in this, the most Kennedy-compound-esque spot on the globe that isn't the rest of Massachusetts, some of California, certain parts of New York, all of Dallas, and the greater portion of Oliver Stone's estate. Jason wants to let us know he sucks, thanks: "My first thought was get upstairs and find a phat room." He bursts into each room of the place, and comes upon the enormous master bedroom. Elka is allowed to walk in for exactly one second, mutter a word about the room's general largeness, and be relegated back to The Dork Dungeon with the rest of the non-journaling misfits below. Kameelah lets us know in a confessional, "Jason found it first, and I just cramped his style and said, 'I'm sleeping with you.'" Outside now, Kameelah tells Genesis that she and Jason "got the dopest room in the house." Genesis, second-generation style-cramper and The Girl Most Likely To Note Sexual Chemistry Between Two Of Her Roommates And Still Not Give A Crap, volleys back, "I'm there." While the three of them lie in the bed inside the bedroom, the other four mess with a tangled volleyball net. Kameelah, meanwhile, thinks hypocrisy is important, doing a much worse job with the volley than the four losers outside, "I just think people in this house feel the need to always be talking. Just because you don't speak doesn't mean the world is coming to an end. I need silence, I need to enjoy my own world." She stops. There is now silence. See how this works?

Downstairs in the living room, Montana, Syrus, Sean, and Elka play a loud and wacky game of charades, while Jason sits upstairs looking silently judgmental. They're actually going out of their way to make Jason look like the cool one this episode. Did he cut these scenes himself, I wonder? Kameelah walks into the room and slams the door, and we cut to mid-depth, her telling Jason, "If anything, I know what I don't want to be. Just seeing Montana and Elka and Syrus and Sean, I know more clearly what I do not want to be." An unbelievably rude and unsubtle cut takes us downstairs to Montana in the middle of acting out Animal House, waving her ass right at the camera in a rather unflattering way which, truth be told, could only have been vastly improved if not for the waving and the ass and the camera.

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Real World




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