Real World

Episode Report Card
Stee: D+ | Grade It Now!
Shrinky Dink
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously.... Zach got to know blonde waitress Crystal. Paula was anorexic. John lied to Paula that she could make a fresh start.

Credits. Beach. Sandbugs crawling up a girl's bikini leg. Hatching eggs. Problems occurring.

Clouds. Clouds. Water. Boats. Lifesaver. House. Pool. Rafts. Paula floats. Svet floats. Paula tells Svet about John's pep talk from last week. Paula marvels that John was actually right. I'm marveling that the editors managed to keep a storyline relatively linear. Fine work. Paula continues to delude herself, thinking that John's telling her that "you can be okay" is actually going to make her okay. No, Paula. You'll be excited by the refreshing notion that you can be okay. But then your world will quickly slide back to a place where you are not okay, because that is where you live. Sorry. Also, find some moisturizer. And Band-Aids for your multitudinous open sores -- they're gross. And a straitjacket. Paula continues to float, and says that she'll never have this opportunity again, and that she was "meant" to come here and meet these people. I'm pretty sure Svet has fallen asleep, because I damn near have. I can't wait for Paula's dreams of redemption without doing any work to be smashed to bits on the rocks of her own insanity. (Yikes. Harsh.) More floating.

House. Fish tank. Paula answers the phone. It's a shrink calling! "Dr. Covan, PhD." She'd already contacted him, and so now he asks what he can do for her. She nervously babbles about advice and clearing things up in her head. Her legs and arms are completely covered in oozing welts. It's really disgusting. I just can't imagine why any guy would desire Paula. Inconceivable! Paula camera-bones that she should have gone to therapy before now and, obviously, she needs help. They make an appointment. Paula tells us that she's really scared; hopefully Dr. Covan will be able to start a process and give her guidance. He won't. There is no process for you. You're fucked.

Sun. Leaves. Clouds. Night. Cars. Candles. Outside, Zach and Crystal cuddle in a hammock. The girl is cute enough, but something really bad happened to her eyebrows. Some terrible accident or she lost them in a poker game or had a sorority prank pulled on her, because they have been reduced to two tiny thin upside-down "parentheses" hovering on top of her eyes. Zach babbles about having nice experiences here and how different it is from his life and he's learned how he wants to be treated back home yada yada. Crystal then promises blowjobs by saying that she's a "people pleaser," and as long as everybody else is happy, she's happy. Sweet! They cuddle and whisper. He tells us that she's growing on him (like a fungus!) and it "excites" him (gross). Now they dive into his bed upstairs, and laugh and giggle until the cameraman finally gets the hint and leaves, and then they're just captured by the room cam, cuddling. Zach tries to convince her to stay over.(Get "naked.") Kissing. Zach touches her tanned belly: "You should stay." She thanks him. She leaves. He tells us that he's not trying to get anything out of her more than fun and friendship. Dude, she just told you she hands out blowjobs, willy nilly! You have a goal now. And it ain't friendship.

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Real World




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