Real World
City Mouse vs. Country Mouse

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City Mouse vs. Country Mouse

Outside the Beachhouse of Banality, three swings swing forlornly. Waves crash on the beach. It's still dark out. But lo, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Irene is up at the crack of dawn, getting ready to go to work while the rest of her lazy-ass roommates slumber peacefully. In an interview, Irene -- with huge poofy hair -- tells us that she likes to shower and change at work, and she doesn't disturb any of her aforementioned lazy-ass roommates when she gets up at 5 AM. The delightful "There She Goes" tinkles in the background as we see Irene trudge down what looks like a deserted alley to her car, and drive to work.

In another interview, Irene -- with even huger, poofier hair -- tells us, "There's a lot of danger in what I do." This statement is punctuated by a shot of Irene at the firing range, shooting her gun. But, see, those brilliant hucksters at Bunim-Murray Productions juxtapose that super-manly gunplay stuff with a few shots of old Irene shaving her legs and plucking her eyebrows. Because she's all girly, too, doncha know? As Irene straps her gun on, she states the obvious: "I'm a female, and I'm a police officer." Thanks for clearing that up.

In an interview, Tami and The Earrings tell us that "it's weird" living with an arm of the law, especially because she's scared that Irene will find out "about some things [she] did when [she] was younger" and lock her away. We see Irene working it, but she's not, like, pulling people over, or running sting operations. She's standing around in a courtroom, giving perps the dirty eyeball. Not that that isn't a noble cause, and all, but please -- she's no Lenny Briscoe.

In another interview, Tami -- who suddenly has long, weird blonde hair, tied back with a bandana (so that The Earrings are visible) -- tells us that she's breaking the law every time she gets in her car, because she's driving with a suspended license. She explains that her license was suspended because she never paid her parking tickets, and that she owes the state over $2000 and she could go to jail. She laughs hysterically. The Earrings swing madly. One hits her in the face.

In an interview, Irene provides us with one of the best Real World quotes in this series so far, when she says: "I am the law. Twenty-four hours a day." Whatever. Good thing you're not in the fashion police, because you'd be court-martialed for that 'do. Seriously. Cut. Your. Hair.

David and Jon are lolling about their room; David makes fun of country music. Because nothing is in either closet or on any shelves in the room yet, I think this must have happened, like, the day everyone moved in. Jon chuckles that he'd like to make fun of rap music, but he can't, "because it's full of bad words," none of which he can say. Hee. David explains that "rap is never meant to be nice." Somewhere, this being 1993, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince glower. The Fresh Prince, in particular, vows to show David that, in fact, nice rap can sell records, no matter what David, or that Slim Shady person says! Jon then makes up his own little rap, as an example of all that he dislikes about that genre of music. No bad words are mentioned, and he never uses the word "bitch" or "ho." Instead, let me transcribe Jon's little rap tune. This is all accompanied by exaggerated Run DMC arm movements, just so you know. Ahem: "I'm the baddest person in the world/ I'm the baddest / You don't mess with me / Homeboy this!/ Word." This is the part where I pause the tape and laugh and laugh and laugh. As David is explaining to Jon that all that "'word' stuff" is mere stereotyping, his beeper goes off. Jon asks him if he's "selling drugs." David gets all aggro about Jon making assumptions again, but Jon explains that he asked that as an homage to the episode of RW New York, wherein Julie asked Heather if she's dealing drugs because Heather had a beeper. David glowers. MTV runs the Julie/Heather clip, all slo-mo and black-and-white noir.

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