Real World
Cheerio, Love!

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Gustave: C- | Grade It Now!
Cheerio, Love!

Double decker buses. Early morning tree-lined streets. An exterior shot of Attention Deficit Disorder Manor. Inside, Mike and Jay are in their bedroom, shivering under the covers and discussing the fact that they have a week left in London. Yes, it's the obligatory goodbye episode. Traditionally, the goodbye episode has been the most boring episode of the other seasons. So what do you suppose happens on a goodbye episode when the season in question is exceptionally boring to begin with? If you said "lots of meaningless Sarah McLachlan-themed flashbacks," you'd be absolutely right.

"Do you think we'll ever talk to each other again?" asks Mike, who is all of a sudden sporting a huge earring. Yes, Mike, unlike the drunken fraternity brothers who'd cornhole you and then avoid you for the rest of the semester, Jay intends to talk to you again. It's not like he'll be too busy. In a confessional, Jay admits that it will be weird to get together with everyone seven months from now. Kat's got the speculation fever, too. She tells Jay during one of their chats that she thinks they'll all see each other a lot. "It's silly not to call," she says. At breakfast, Neil is eating something really really exotic and English: sausage and mashed potatoes. Mike grimaces; because you know, pork products and starch are totally foreign to most Americans. "People haven't really embraced English culture as much as they'd have liked," says Neil, shoveling more sausage into his mouth. Um, what does Neil mean by "embracing English culture"? Should the housemates be stalking members of Oasis? Shedding bitter tears at Diana's grave? ["Er, not in 1994 or '95, when they were filming this." -- Wing Chun] Watching really really bad television on the BBC? Doing Afghan heroin in an Oxford dorm? Oh, just think of what they've missed. Ah, but Neil breaks it down for us. "Mike still goes to McDonalds," he says. "But he uses words like 'wanker' and 'bollocks' -- a stop in the right direction." So the taint of a Happy Meal can be neutralized by using dated Britspeak? Thanks, Neil, for letting all of us in on the secret to what makes you so cool.

So now Neil can be seen in public with Mike. They go to a pub together for the first time. Funny, they're wearing the same clothes and sitting in the same pub that they sat in a few episodes ago when they were dissing Jacinda. On their way to the pub, Mike ruminates on the importance of "trying new things." Like draft beer? They order a couple of "pints" and Mike quizzes Neil on what really went down between him and know, back when it seemed that something might actually happen during this God forsaken actionless season. Neil confesses that Kat brings out his "fatherly instincts." "Yeah, yeah!" says Mike. "Me, too! Kind of like Jay does to me!" And no, I didn't make that up. Neil goes on to admit to having sexual feelings for Kat that he never expected to have. I'm sure it is difficult to lust after an American, since a lot of us have the unfortunate habit of washing our genitals on a daily basis, which tends to remove that irresistible Stilton cheese smell. These feelings, according to Neil, made it hard to be her friend. Ah, so that's why Neil has no friends in the house. It's all that sexuality. I always thought it was the whole unwarranted arrogance thing, but I guess I was wrong. My bad. Mike asks Neil about Chrys. Yeah, for the forty-seventh time, what about Chrys? Neil claims that Chys knew about him and Kat. "Chrys knows about everything," says Neil, explaining that Chrys and he occasionally have a "love thing," but mostly they're best friends. Oh, and sorry, all you single ladies out there! Neil doesn't want to get least, not yet.

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Real World




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