Real World
Bazooka Joe

Episode Report Card
Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
Bazooka Joe

Previously on The Real World: Frankie and Jacquese met, and Jacquese confessed that he can't swim. Randy and Robin met and bonded over their shared occupation in "the nightclub industry."

Robin and the guys play basketball together. Robin is wearing the shortest shorts I've ever seen. I think I just saw her labia. She's paired this with a t-shirt that says, "He Loves Me. I Love Him Not." What does that even mean? And why did she add a pink do-rag to the ensemble? Randy interviews that he's started to get to know Robin, and that she seems sweet and tries to look out for everyone. Except for black men who call her a bitch. She doesn't look out for them. Robin interviews that Randy is easy to get along with and sweet. I think I would be mad if someone described me as "sweet." Randy interviews that Robin has "a great personality," and that he and Robin "connect on the same level because [they] both come from nightlife." Like they are both vampires? That is a weird thing to say. Also "great personality" is guyspeak for "big boobs." Robin starts doing a cheer from 1965, like, when was she a cheerleader? Robin interviews that she and Randy are of similar ages and backgrounds, so she's drawn to him, but he's her roommate and thus off-limits. According to what rulebook?

The same group sits around and discusses casual sex. Jacquese thinks it's the best way not to get your feelings hurt. Randy says that he can't have casual sex, because he doesn't like to hold back. Robin says that she could have casual sex when she was younger, but now that she's older, things are different. Isn't she, like, twenty-three? Why is she talking like she's middle-aged? Randy agrees that sex with someone you love is passionate. Randy interviews that he's affectionate and passionate, and that his emotions have a mind of their own, and that he has no control over them. He's like the Incredible Hulk. Don't make him angry! Robin talks about feeling a connection and losing yourself in another person. Then they don't cut the scene, so we get to hear Robin tell Randy not to drink out of the glass she ashed in. What? Why was that left in?

Some guy knocks on the door and just lets himself in. Robin grabs an envelope from him, and all the roommates gather around. Robin reads that their job starts at 10 AM, and that they have to report to a particular dock and each wear their swimsuits under their regular clothing. Jamie interviews that they know their job will involve water and a boat, but that they don't know if they'll be fishing, sailing, or just cleaning boats. Oh, how I wish they were cleaning boats. Brad's two brain cells rub together and spit out, "Lifeguards!" Yeah, they tried that in Chicago and it didn't work out so well. Remember all that exciting footage of Keri, Kyle, and Chris on the beach? Exactly. Jacquese interviews that he can't swim, and that he knows their job will involve water. Randy suggests that they get to be "synchronized water skiers." Like in the Go-Go's video for "Vacation"! That would be awesome! Jamie suggests that they might be testing out equipment, but then steps back from her suggestion, as though it was so much dumber than guessing that they'd be water skiers or lifeguards. Robin thinks they might be fishing, and quickly decides that she's right. Jacquese repeats that he doesn't want to get in the water. Jamie dances around and says she's excited.

Frankie, Cameran, Jamie, and Robin are in the kitchen. Robin points out "a big cruise ship" out in the harbor, and asks if anyone has ever been on a cruise. Frankie glances out the window and then stands up and walks away clutching her stomach, saying, "That was so not cool." So my question is, why did she look in the first place? What part of "big cruise ship" did she think she would be able to handle? The other women are confused about what just happened. Frankie goes to the bathroom and splashes water on her face. Frankie interviews that she gets panic attacks when she's around big boats or massive metal structures. That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. How did she think she was going to survive five months in a harbor on the Pacific Ocean without seeing a big ship? Look, I understand that a phobia is, by definition, an irrational fear, and while I have an aversion to belly buttons, I wouldn't really call it a "phobia," because I don't have panic attacks when I see one. But if I did have a phobia, I would either get therapy to get over it, or not put myself in situations where I might activate it. Unless I just wanted attention. I'm not saying Frankie doesn't have a legitimate phobia. I'm just saying that she seems to use that phobia to get attention, instead of trying to deal with and come to terms with it in an adult manner.

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