Real World - Road Rules Challenge
'Til Death Duel Us Part

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 1 USERS: A+
Mentally Challenged
I turn my back for like one minute and I miss all the lesbian drama? Life is so not fair. I'm sure tonight the A storyline is going to focus on Evan picking nits out of MJ's hair. (How I wish that sounded more unlikely than it really does, in a season that has already featured a "toenail clipping" storyline).

Fashion show! Evan explains the rules to the boys and then tells Landon directly, "Landon you have to do this." Landon must be so tired of having to pretend like he doesn't stage My Little Pony fashion shows when he's home alone. The girls will walk, the boys will judge. Mark does some Bruno-style announcing. Brittini goes first and it's not depressing at all to watch a former model undertake a serious runway walk (complete with pause at the "end" to "pose" for the "cameras") while wearing a shower curtain folded to look like Victoria's Secret angel wings on her back. Tori walks while wearing a crown she got at Burger King. Rachel walks, apparently having decided that the next lesbian stereotype she will explode is the one about dykes not getting waxed. Diem comes out and, I'm sorry. Despite myself, this girl really just made me chuckle. Her hair is a rat's nest, she's wearing some sort of dirty grey nylon body stocking underneath her bathing suit bottoms and someone has taken a bunch of branches and stuck them to her back. Tyra Banks is about to jump out of the bushes and give them all heart attacks.

Next, it's just, you know, Landon's turn. He takes the runway wearing a digital patch. Because, apparently, he is only (as in only) wearing a belt, to which packs of cigarettes have been hooked like gun holsters at his hips. Landon took some time to ponder what he should wear for the judging eyes of Mark, Brad, and Evan. And he concluded: "Nothin' but dimples. No, silly, not those ones!" He gets to the end of the runway, rips off the cigarette packs and turns on his heel with arms upraised like RuPaul wearing a feather headdress. LANDON CALL ME, YOU CONFUSED CONFECTION YOU!

Later that night, Evan asks MJ to tuck him in like he does his daughter Bella. Evan grins like a zygote as MJ pulls the covers up and strokes his head. Over in another room, Tori is again NOT helping explode any stereotypes about straight white women who are "ready to settle down." I do love how willing she is to just put it out there, though, you know, how we look when arguing with our no-good men while wearing stretchy pants and face-washing headbands. So Tori is a little concerned that Brad doesn't have a real job at home. Perhaps it is hard to hold down a real job when you are always leaving for three weeks to go do a reality show? Brad just doesn't want to talk about the emasculating truth on national television. Tori takes her ring off and leaves it on the bed, Brad is insulted, Tori confusingly thinks that her taking her own ring off means that Brad is "done" with her. Tori interviews that if HE wants this lifestyle, well, he can have it. Tori, you are there, too. Just because you can't see us, doesn't mean we can't see you.

In the next scene, Tori is packing up getting ready to leave and telling Diem that she gave the ring back and is done. The extremity of her situation can be read in that face-washing headband, which has now worked its way to the very back of her head, a place face-washing headbands only get to when you are in the middle of a VERY SERIOUS FIGHT with lots of pitching sideways onto the bed to cry. Boys, I am giving you some important girl knowledge here: keep your eyes on a headband during an argument. Brad is over with the guys telling them he doesn't know what to do, the economy is shit, it's hard to get a job (we now interrupt this lighthearted recap to point out that this is really depressing), and he just doesn't want to talk about it while they're on a Challenge.

Commercials. Brad's left the boy's room, and now everyone is all joking and rolling their eyes over whether Brad will leave the game if Tori does. They hope he will. Tori insists to Diem that she's as good as gone right now; Diem interviews that she won't let Tori leave, they're going to run in the final and cross the finish line together.

Brad tells Tori that he wants to support them, but her stressing him out about supporting them is not helping. She wants to communicate, but he points out that her giving the ring back and storming off is not communicating. And then he tells her to act like a grown woman and hold things in to talk about at the proper time in the proper place and OUCH. Brad speaks the truth! He snarks about her leaving without even saying goodbye to him, and she just starts to cry again and leaves the room.

Commercials. Landon's got no patience for dumb bitches. What a surprise. He thinks the best thing for Brad would be for Tori to leave. Brad convinces Tori to go for a walk outside the house. They hold hands and are pretty much instantly made-up. Brad just blabs on about "to the best of our ability" and "in that environment" and learning how to deal with problems and Tori just thinks that, and I quote, "he is just SO good with his words." Brad is so great with words that he repeats again, for the third time in thirty seconds, that he doesn't care about anyone else, he's just going to get back into the game "to the best of my ability." I LOVE THIS GUY. God, I'm feeling so kindly towards these jerks tonight! So, Brad and Tori, it's still on.

Challenge! Combining spelling and near death! Yes! The way Scripps was meant to be played! A platform is suspended over the lake, with planks. They stand on the planks, and TJ calls out words that they have to spell. If they get the word wrong, the plank falls out from under them and they plunge a hundred feet into the water. Mark and MJ gaze up at the platform, MJ declares it "gnarly." Mark asks him to spell that. MJ: "That's easy. K-N-A-R-E-L-Y." Right there, ladies and gentlemen, you just got a glimpse inside one of these people's heads. Like, so when he hears the word "gnarly" he sees "knarely" in his mind? This explains so much.

Brad appears on my screen. "I'm just going to try to finish this game out to the best of my ability." You guys, I cannot make this shit up. He just said it again.

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Real World - Road Rules Challenge




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