The Others

Episode Report Card
Ace: D | Grade It Now!
The Eyes Have It

We open with a jerky yuppie named Sandy getting an eye exam. He tells the doctor he wants laser surgery on his eyes so he doesn't have to wear glasses or contacts anymore. Eight seconds into the show and I already sense the moral of the story. Hot damn! I must be psychic too. Somebody get me a bindi. The doctor tries to explain the procedure to Sandy but Sandy is impatient and dismissive of the side effects. He explains that he hates wearing glasses because they make him look like a dork and contacts are too much trouble. As the doctor again tries to tell him about the types of laser surgery available, Sandy interrupts and condescendingly tells him to make him an appointment for the surgery. The doctor explains that they're going to do two sessions -- one eye at a time. Next we see Sandy lying on a chair in a room with a number of technicians and the doctor doing the surgery on his eye. I think this show is supposed to be scary, but so far it's falling way short of the mark, so I'm going to start a Scary Moment Count. The idea of a laser cutting into my cornea really gives me the willies so I'll award The Others with one scary moment this episode. After the surgery, the doctor approaches Sandy, who can see, but only hazily. The doctor tells him this blurry vision is normal and will clear up very soon. After the doctor leaves Sandy lying in the room, Sandy hears a strange crinkling noise and calls the doctor a "putz" for leaving the laser on. Let me just say that there is no way in hell I would be stupid enough to insult someone I'm trusting to slice into my eyes, but hey, you and I both know that Sandy has lessons to learn. He attempts to relax but he starts to see blurry dark figures whirring about his head, diving and swooping. The apparitions appear to be some sort of winged demons.

Cue ink-in-water credit sequence and bargain-bin Danny Elfman theme music.

Close-up of Marian's profile, weak chin and all. She claps for the end of a movie, stands up, and begins to exit her row with her friends. Marian's friends aren't any actors we've seen before and I imagine that Marian's whiny act burns up her welcome very quickly, requiring her to find new "friends" every few weeks. A snouty blond guy with a goatee mentions that the movie they were watching was Some Like It Hot, and Marian sighs, "It's hard sometimes to laugh at Marilyn Monroe, when you know what happened to her. She had such beautiful eyes." That would be Marian's non-sequitur, not mine. Oh and Marian, you are a total party pooper. Snouty Guy behind her stops just short of stepping on a seeing-eye dog and Crusty Blind Albert snappishly asks if there's a problem. Marian says hello to Albert and he growls, "Well, you blew it, Marian. Never would have known it was you if you'd just kept walking. Now you're going to have to tell Archie and Jughead all about the blind guy." Marian's friends look confused, and Marian smiles and tells Albert that these people are her friends (this week). Crusty Blind Albert tells her to get away from him, and Marian's friends beat a hasty retreat. Marian follows after a brief pause. Hey, do you think that perhaps eyes will play a role in tonight's plot? Because I'm feeling pretty unsure myself.

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The Others




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