The Blacklist
The Alchemist

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 49 USERS: A-
Don't Take Him Just Because You Can

Which may or may not be true, but I can only say that a person who is passionate about parenthood and doesn't have a kid yet -- or a person who doesn't want a kid and thinks you're all robots -- needs nothing less than they need your bullshit on top of it, any more than your kid deserves to be treated as an extension, or in fact a signifier at all, of you. Later on -- this is why we drink at these things -- everybody is even more shrieking and hysterical as Liz tastes jar baby food and tries to figure out what she is tasting.

Finally it's time for just chilling and relaxing instead of making strange diaper sculptures and a million "traditional" games nobody actually wants to play except the controlling/giddy chick in the kitty-cat sweater who should have been a grade-school teacher, of which there is always exactly one.

Lady: "I wish I could take maternity leave! Maybe I should have another baby."
Tom: "Thanks for giving me the opportunity to start shit in front of guests! Because Liz isn't taking leave."
Liz: "Nope, not interested."
Lady: "But you'll ruin your baby!"
Tom: "That's what I said!"
Liz: "What the fuck is happening here exactly?"


Liz: "What the hell was that?"
Tom: "Stop acting like I'm setting you up for humiliation and sabotaging your career!"
Liz: "Except that's like, exactly what you're doing."
Tom: "Because I am right and you are selfish!"
Liz: "Wow. You have no idea how hard I just checked out of this conversation."

Suddenly a lady named Jolene who is not actually named Jolene bursts out of the master bath, hilariously explaining that she got stuck in there while they were yelling and finally couldn't take it anymore because they were being so weird. (Awful.)

Tom: "No problem, just my life unraveling. Liz, this is Jolene, she's a sub."
Liz: "Hi, why are you in my bathroom slash my house? Who cares. I didn't want this bullshit party anyway... Oh, and now I've got a lead to chase. Saved by the unsub. Guess what, fuckos? Lizzy out."

Jolene: "Girl, you did not just call your wife selfish."
Tom: "I heard myself say it and I knew I would be paying for it, but I'm still not entirely clear on what exactly was wrong about it. Or my whole pissy stupid attitude. Or my fantasy life that my wife keeps stubbornly not conforming to, or reading telepathically in my mind."

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The Blacklist




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