Apprentice
Travel Sweepstakes Smackdown

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Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Six: Accessibility Is Never Politically Incorrect

Surya: He's gonna make his big move now! He's gonna make the big move now!
Frank: You can take advantage of her now, buddy!
Nicole: [yelling from inside the van, but not the response that actually goes here, I'm sure just some kind of jocular "I desire the approval of all men" joking around about the fact that he just advised their teammate to rape her while she's distracted by pain in her ankle, when of course the proper response is to get out of the van and punch him in his fucking head]

So the doctor's touching her foot, and it's funny, because he's like, "It hurts when I touch it? Really? That's painful? Are you...sure that hurts?" But it's not Nicole, it's a jellyfish bite. Nicole and Tim are admittedly cute in the doctor's office, and at one point she screamterviews that she's never even SEEN a jellyfish, which is kind of horrible if you think about it. I don't know, she doesn't bother me as much this week. When she was interviewing about the ankle two paragraphs ago, she made this really cute face and went, "Uh oh! What did I do?" with the exact inflection that I would have used, and I guess it made me like her more, because I don't know if you know this but I'm a little vain. (Or is it that I know what I want? And I want it now?) She asks the doctor if a real surfer would have just kept surfing, i.e., is her personal pain threshold a wussy thing or is she allowed to be in pain right now? And again, I feel her on that one really strongly -- that's like the coolest thing she's said on this show, because that's, again, all me. "Am I allowed to admit that this hurts? Because I can't be sure, but I'm pretty much thinking it hurts like a bitch, so if you could ask ten other people how much this hurts, I'll know if I'm overreacting." This tendency has put me in some dangerous situations from time to time, but I think it comes mostly from not wanting to be a pansy, and a little bit from growing up feeling incredibly guilty and in denial whenever I got sick, because it compromised household revenues in a way I could have avoided doing if I'd had the foresight and fortitude not to get sick in the first place. (P.S., the inside of my head is a snakepit, but you already knew that.) So the guy answers her in a fun, funny good-doctor way, that "In this town?" the people would probably keep surfing.

Then Stefani's breasts attempt to conquer Gladstone's, and there are -- I was right! -- more drinks with stupid gigantic fruit, and James gives an unending toast with that voice of his, and Surya tells us all about how he's "the underdog" and how he "let" Arrow Corp into the house this week. OH! You know what he's like, is Lee from last year. Not the self-aggrandizing huffy Toral shit, that's his own, but the self-mythologizing crap is totally reminiscent of that little pisher. I wonder where he is. I wonder where Adam is, and if he's still lying about being a virgin. I wonder -- this is true, I was thinking about it last night -- what superstud77's up to. I love this show. So Frank congratulates Surya on finally getting in the water, and asks how old he is, in order to make the joke that Surya is a wiener. Which he is, and we already knew that, but proves only more hardcore as he sing-songs about how condescending that is for Frank to say. Um, like "Frankie Suits" could ever condescend to anybody. I don't think you know what that word means. James interviews, Rachel Raying it up about how it wasn't Surya at all, he can't believe how awesome Surya seems to be finding himself, when in fact he was "lucky to be part" of the rest of the team rocking out. And I don't know if I would say that to the camera, but I know that's how I'd be feeling privately, because it's pretty much how I feel from here outside the show.

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Apprentice

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