Apprentice
Travel Sweepstakes Smackdown

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Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Six: Accessibility Is Never Politically Incorrect

Surya: [additionally can suck it]

Kinetic, of course, is merrily rocking out as Aimee once again wanders aimlessly, talking to the cardboard standups of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Lucy Lawless at the Suncoast, trying on hats at Lord & Taylor, going for a ramble through the camping display at Macy's, spearing koi, being racially color-blind, being actually blind, bumping into things, wiggling her eyebrows at little kids, blowing up balloons, singing Yoko at the karaoke place, whatever. They get the whole kiosk together, in a tropical theme just like every week, there's mango and papaya all jacked up on top of everything, and Aimee wanders up finally and has a long conversation with a plastic blow-up octopus, takes it over to Jenn and makes Jenn talk to the octopus, decides she doesn't like the octopus, it's a bad octopus, thinks about calling a vote about the octopus, wanders away again mid-sentence to tell Angela about how there was an octopus and she didn't like the octopus so she took it over to Jenn and they discussed having a meeting about the octopus, and that was their meeting about the octopus, so now I guess she's having a meeting with Angela about the meeting about the octopus that she just had with Jenn, and all around her, the other members of Kinetic are actually doing shit. Heidi walks the exec through the task. Jenn interviews that Aimee is "bossy and dumb" and that you can't really be led by a person who makes one decision all day, especially when that one decision involves thirteen meetings about a plastic pink octopus.

James and Frank and Nicole run around with flyers and stuff, and Tim's on the high-tech video screen ad walls talking about the raffles, and Bret watches as James sells his ass off, Stefani continues to be awesome, Frank rocks -- and tells the camera, of course, about a billion times about how great he is, and refers to himself, of course, about a thousand times as "Frankie Suits" -- and Nicole and Tim are awesome. James and Tim have a little meeting about how Surya has once again disappeared, and James interviews about how as usual, God knows what he's doing, and as usual, Surya's wandering around not selling a damn thing. Surya interviews about his amazing salesmanship and how it's never been easier, as played of course against footage of Surya striking out probably fifty times with his negative charisma, retiring manner, off-putting demeanor, and total lack of hustle or friendliness.

Kinetic: Kristine and her herpie and that voice of hers telling a guy how it's going to go, making baskets with the raffle entries (oh yeah, Kinetic had the same basic idea about the ongoing raffles), and Angela and Heidi roaming the mall, "generating buzz" in Angela's parlance, and doing a great job of it...until things get all Old Testament and everybody in the mall with the exception of Kinetic itself forgets how to speak English. Just like that, Boom! And they're so busy selling that they A) don't even notice until like the fifth strikeout where the people just immediately start running away when they start talking, and B) don't even notice how they're totally in a science fiction movie suddenly where nobody speaks English. And you know what, if we're going to admit that a sizable portion of people in areas of Southern California speak Spanish as a second language, can we also admit that a sizable portion of that group in turn is not going to be like vitally interested in: having their pictures taken, being on camera, or putting their personal information into a database run by sketchy white people? At this point, you get a translator, not because you're messing up sales conversions but because getting aggro in the faces of these people is going to create negative buzz: "White people going crazy in the food court and asking personal questions about where you live. Leave the mall now, come back tomorrow. Pass it on." I mean, it's just awkward. So whatever, the music gets scary, Heidi takes a while to figure it out and finally Angela mentions to her that she's selling with gibberish, and they go up to one guy like, "Mucho? Dinero?" and that's very Amazing Race for a second, but then BOOM, Derek again. Speaking (not that awesome) Spanish at the kiosk, rocking out, noting in interview that the computers themselves, which have a whole advertising thing before you register, are in English only, which is slowing them down too. Jenn offers somebody hotdogs, probably to shove in her mouth for a hundred bucks, and Derek's rocking out. Aimee fully goes, like, "I finally noticed there are Spanish-speakers in southern California." Muna rocks the Spanish even better than Derek, and then somebody wins one of the raffles, and she's overjoyed and has a kid with her, and I'm happy she won something.

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