Travel Sweepstakes Smackdown

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
Lesson Six: Accessibility Is Never Politically Incorrect

Aimee: But but but...
Trump: Wait, there were people in the mall? And they weren't invisible? I didn't realize that. Forget everything I already said, and my stupid son, and go back to the beginning of the boardroom when I said I was going to fire you no matter what.
Aimee: We had people on the team speaking Spanish, and there were Latino people in the mall.
Derek: [cute]
Trump: Um, okay. So you knew they were there? They weren't in hiding?
Aimee: Right.
Trump: Because let me tell you. You know Angela? She's like a superhero, like she could bench me over her head, right, and she's amazing and I hope she wins, and maybe she will, and she's very strong and silent, and very tough and silent, and even she, who only wants to say nice things and make out with my daughter, who goes out of her way to be nice, can't help but put a big "but" at the end of talking of about you. And that big "but" is "but leadership."
Frank: [giggling somewhere at this precise moment; doesn't even know why]
Trump: Everybody is just not that into you. You're bossy and dumb and I think you're on drugs right this second. It's always leadership is the big but. You're not a leader. Aimee, you're fired.
Derek: [sad/tasty]
Jenn: [gorgeous/starting to look like she's sleeping in the yard, though]
DJ and Trump: [that one face, in tandem]
Surya: [sucking]

Trump: Too many things against her! Like reality!
Surya: It was tough. It was tough. [AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! SURYAAAAAAA!]
DJ: It was pretty "cut and dry," as the saying doesn't go; I mean, the whole thing that I was harping on, that made no sense? Once we eliminated that, it retroactively became a pretty obvious choice.
Trump: All of this makes sense to me, because I am slowly going insane. Now let's get out of here, Fibber McGee & Molly's on upstairs in ten minutes.

Outside, Aimee runs for the car like the hounds of hell are behind her and pissing her off. She's like righteously angry; her eyebrows are like two characters in a telenovela that she'll never understand. Because it is in Spanish.

Derek and Jenn sigh, and she's very tiny, and he's very gigantic, and they are both perfect. Aimee whips around as she's getting in the car, and I watched this part just now probably a hundred times, for two reasons: number one, her hair does this amazing thing I've only seen hair do in the Æon Flux cartoon, like it's also simultaneously angry, and she looks prettier than she's ever looked, and she calls down like thunder upon them and says something mysterious I can't figure out that looks like it rhymes with "furflipper," so your guess is as good as mine, and she jumps in the car and shakes her head violently at them the whole way she's driving away, and Derek's like, "Whoa, dude." In the car, she talks about how people in this game will bury you to get ahead, and I don't have anything to add because it's the same exact thing I said about Surya last week: you told everybody you were in charge, but didn't believe that anybody believed you, so really nobody was in charge, but everybody gets to feel like they're in the right, except now you're going home, and that sucks I guess, but not as bad as this show sucks. She is funny talking about how she should have "just told the whole goddamn team to sit in the frickin' mansion" and hired her own people and done the task herself. Which may or may not be true, but either way she's gone now and I still don't get her. "I guess they didn't care about winning this task...on a personal level, they wanted me buried, and that's unfortunate." On the occasion that a team actually does throw a task to kill the PM, I hope I'm still recapping, because that is going to be like seeing a unicorn. The sheer self-obsessed narrowness of that entire concept is just mind-blowing and narcissistic; it's like these people should be on reality TV. In two weeks, after the Oscars have come and gone: two words result in an insane double firing! What are they, and who will it be? I'm guessing Derek and Surya, somehow, based on the flipbook-fast edits of them looking scared, or maybe Tim, which would make me sad but not as sad as if it's Derek. And the two words? I'm blanking. All I can think about is "black dick."

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