Trading Places

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 2 USERS: A+
Somewhere Beyond The Flea

Props to Miss Alli's Mom, who taped this so that I wouldn't be completely hosed by the moronic scheduling decisions of NBC, which seems determined to drive me to drink (not that it takes much) by running the first twenty minutes of this against the last twenty minutes of Survivor. Bite me, NBC. And play nice.

Previously on Raising the Barfly: Times Square brought news that the teams would each be responsible for managing a night at Planet Hollywood. Extremely short skirts and stiletto boots, you will not be shocked to hear, ensued. Oh, and so did efforts to get people so drunk that they wound up in the hospital having 150-proof stomach acid pumped out of their bellies. Business management is all about good judgment, you know. The men, on the other hand, spent a lot of time randomly harassing people on the street, trying to force them to do things no one wants to do. Seduce family, for one thing. Go inside Planet Hollywood, for another. Kwame and Troy pulled an ethically queasy stunt to capitalize on people's absurd hunger to run up to fame and lick it all over until it begs for mercy. Nick and Bill thought the line was crossed; Troy and Kwame insisted they were dancing just on the acceptable side, albeit drunkenly, and with their asses occasionally crossing the invisible plane. The men unsurprisingly got trounced, because the amount of money it takes to get the autograph of a professional athlete is ultimately no match for what it costs in booze to find Heidi funny. The women received a lukewarm talking-to for making every single task into a bordello tour, and ultimately, Kwame brought Nick and Bowie to the final table in the Boardroom. When Trump got his hands on the boys, he was unhappy with Nick for checking out of the task, and unhappy with Kwame for poor management, but he was underwhelmed by Bowie to the point where he was the one to go. Bye, Bowie. You were excellent in the "Dancing In The Streets" video, by the way. "Who will be fired tonight?"

Credits. "Money money money moooo-ney!"

We fade in on S4, where the usual Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch is underway, all the candidates anxious to see who was booted. Assorama bitches in her old red-shirt interview -- which I think is from all the way back at Episode 2 -- that everyone else seems to think they're supposed to like each other, but that she has concluded that every trip to the Boardroom will eliminate someone. She doesn't explain why those things are contradictory, but whatever. I have a feeling she doesn't exactly seek out the harmonious answers to these things. Nick and Kwame return somewhat subdued from the Boardroom, and Amy interviews that she "was really surprised when Bowie didn't come back." She says that everyone had expected that it would be Nick who was fired, which isn't all that illogical, considering that Nick basically punked out on his team halfway through the task. I'm still a little puzzled that that didn't bother Trump more than it did. Nick hugs Heidi, saying that he had expected to be fired himself, and then, of course, heading to the bathroom to wipe the liquid shimmer off his lapel. Heidi then interviews that she thinks the morale on VersaCorp is "pretty bad." What with the four consecutive losses, you know. I'm telling you, nothing gets past this girl. She says she thinks the boys are aware that they're doing something wrong, but that they can't figure out what. Again, I have to compliment her perceptiveness, because otherwise, I would have figured the men didn't feel at all concerned. The Oracle of Heidi, last heard telling us that Sam would not be fired, continues to impress.

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