The Final Battle

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Fourteen: Accountability Is A Choice
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Still no closer to figuring out Deal Or No Deal. A wave of women without names comes flooding over a staircase and they all have numbers and giant breasts, and they open a box and clap mindlessly, and then there's a lot of yelling, and...I tried. Not in order to ever watch it again, just because it seems to be on a lot which means it's getting ratings which means America finds something of value in it. But America is, as usual, ahead of my curve, because it's just surreal to me. Also because for some reason I've been putting off this recap for days. It's a fun episode, I liked it. I don't know why I resent it so much. Maybe it's just senioritis.

There's some stressful, yet hopeful music that does the job, and we have some flashbacks. Previously Allie and Roxanne "nailed it" with some culottes, and then they stared at each other, and then they made a groovy kind of love. And then we've all agreed to pretend that they turned into bitches. Upstairs, Sean tapped his fingers on the table, with wild hair and sleepy eyes making his face even grosser than usual. Lee was eating quietly and staring, in total space cadet mode. Then a weird, awkward thing happened. Sean started playing with the china and yelling about how he's not going to wait for the lady or the tiger to come back, he's going to eat in a devil-may-care fashion, because he's just being honest, he doesn't care if it appears rude. Which, whatever, except Lee's already eating, so it's the opposite of etiquette. "If it was anyone else, I'd have the patience to wait, but I'm just bullshitting myself that I really care to wait for them," he huffs and puffs and dramatizes. And the whole time, Lee's just sitting there, clearly eating. Sean is so fucking rude. The balls-out selfishness of the propaganda there is totally at odds with what he's trying to prove about himself. "I'm going to be as classless and rude as you are. That'll show them." When like, nobody cares if Sean eats except for Sean, so he's making some kind of statement nobody cares about by not eating, and then he self-defines yet more drama by finally "giving in" and eating, no matter how they'd frown on it at Eton or whatever. Assface. Lee laughs at the camera in this wheezing inner-city way, like a droog from West Side Story or like a Newsie. "You tell 'em, Gator. We'll give those Sharks what for!"

The phone rings as Sean pissily eats, and his sleepy self takes a few seconds to register it, then answers. Robin tells them to come down to the Boardroom immediately. They run around as Sean drools and screams at us about how never before has the telephone rung during a Boardroom! NEVER! The snow starts coming down even though it's June, and the rivers run red with blood, and water runs uphill, according to Sean, when this happens. He's so excited about such value-neutral stuff. Lee, dressing, gives us another unwanted window into the mind of Lee: "Probably they're going to ask who should be fired!" No, probably not, Lee. The ideas this kid has about his own importance. I think he really believes that he was the hatchet man all those times. Like, at rest, he believes that. Whatever, chucker.

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