In this week's task, lots of sick old people and lots of sick young people are introduced to magical devices previously only imagined by Leonardo Da Vinci or H.G. Wells, such as TiVo, workout pulse meters, and the X-Box. It's like Alias up in here. The credibility, she strains! Calculator watches for everybody!
So the "Something Old" is, I guess, Randal's dead grandmother, who obscurely chooses him as this week's PM. The boys geek out almost as hardcore as they did last week at the prospect of getting to buy, and then play with, all the high-tech gadgets and gizmos; their task is to hold a "tech expo" at a living facility for seniors. Not to mention getting to explain and explain unending tech minutia to a captive and infirm audience. (Yes, Markus excels at this, of course. On an unrelated note, I still miss Chris.) Team Excel really super very much pulls together this week, although they've singled out Clay as their new whipping boy, for which I can't blame them. They win by a 2% margin, mostly because George likes their cookies and Trump likes their balloons, and in keeping with the theme of this season, their reward is more fucking community service, this time playing Corporate Armani Claus at a children's hospital where Itsy-Bitsy Brian dazzles as the sexiest elf in history.
Rebecca is chosen for the Capital Edge PM by "Something New": her broken ankle, a nominatrix no more confounding than Randal's grandmother. After last week, when the women got about 30% of the airtime (is that the norm on this show, to trade off week by week? Makes sense), they fully take over the show, and the results areâ¦ugly, in their own way, as the Excel bullshit from last week. Mostly due to Jennifer W. (I think) setting up an "expo" that looks more like what's left after a nuclear blast, standing around giggling like a retard the whole time, and misspelling the word "techno."
Toral can't operate a television in any way, but she's a banker of some kind; Jennifer W. (I think) gets reamed for fucking up the "event planning" part of the task, but Toral is a banker of some kind; Marshawn apparently has invisibility and awesomeness as her main mutant powers, while Toral is a banker of some kind; Alla bristles at Rebecca's admittedly hardcore approach to management, and she and Kristi go a little too far with the bitterness, but at least Toral's a banker of some kind; all work and no play makes Toral a banker of some kind, and Jennifer M. flirts brilliantly and cutely with tiny old men, has sexy I Dream Of Jeannie hair, and gets dragged into the boardroom for no reason whatsoever instead of Toral, who I think might be some kind of banker.
Rebecca's "Something Borrowed" is, apparently, the brass balls of Mr. Donald Trump himself, as she harshly takes George, Trump, and anyone else in her line of sight (excepting Carolyn, thank God) to task forâ¦whatever she feels like. Whatever's on her mind at the time. The reputation of the Wharton School, the Merriam's def of the word "inflexible," what makes a cookie taste so deliciously goodâ¦whatever. It's amazing, if you like that kind of thing, and I do, but I get that you might not. Trump's with me, in the end: either she's the next J.P. Morgan, or the next clock tower sniper dressed as a clown, and only time will tell. I thought prescription medications made you groovy and fun! Yet another thing Will & Grace lied to me about.
"Something Blue" isâ¦me, mourning my hatred of Markus, because he's tolerable-to-awesome in this episode. He even gets his propers from the team, which made my aggressively and famously fickle heart sing. Blame the Constantine comparison from last week if you will. My love for Rebecca leapfrogs right over my quickly-waning interest in Mutinous Kristi, my ultimate allegiance to Josh is unchallenged, and Toral stops being cute and starts getting real. Annoying, that is. (Plus a real live corporate banker.) Ultimately, it's Jennifer W. (I think) who is sent packing, and whining, into the night.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Last week, Donald Trump kept saying "Lam-Boar-Gini" and it was weird. Then the women won a sucky prize, and Toral spent some time with Rebecca's ankle. Chris left, and it was sad but also inevitable and self-inflicted, like in a Scottish play. Apprentice: Martha was a vastly more enjoyable show, and I wish we could trade somebody for Jim, because Keckler will never love him like I do.
A sax player down on the street treats us to a sad Markus-esque tune as the Excel suite door opens. Effin' Mark explains that "Chris and Markus was [sic] in the Boardroom," and opines that there's no question that Markus is the weakest link in the Team Excel chain, and should be fired. Say what I will about Markus -- and I will -- but at least he's not all Deliverance all the time. God. So Markus walks in and everybody wigs; there's a few seconds of stunned silence and then the slow clap starts. Josh tells the team -- specifically Markus, who he just totally crapped on in front of Donald Trump -- to leave the Boardroom in the Boardroom, and just start over. It's a good idea, but somewhat disingenuous of Josh to just baldly ask him, "Hey, all that stuff where I said you were worthless and a dork and a waste of flesh? In front of Trump and his Viceroys, for whose approval you regularly piss your literal pants? Let's pretend I didn't say that, okay?"
On the other hand, it's Markus, so this kind of boneheaded thing works like a charm, because he doesn't know better. Markus interviews that he's a survivor, and acts like he's totally aware of his issues and problems and it'll be a snap to change only like every single thing about himself. This is also the second week he has promised this. I would have been impressed if he'd said something like, "Hey Josh? Go fuck yourself in the boardroom, okay?" And the thing is...so would Josh. But Markus doesn't know that. Mark calls him "Baby" and they all agree to start fresh. Josh treads the line between manipulative and unctuous, patting Markus on the back as they all head deeper into the suite to do God knows what. The ritual paddling of Adam, most likely.
Kristi and Felisha discuss the Rebecca's Ankle situation as Toral accompanies our skating champ back to the suite. Rebecca interviews that she and Toral have "found friendship," and Toral lists their similarities: Rebecca was at Chicago, Toral was from Wharton; Rebecca was a banker, Toral "[continues] to be a banker…" Boy, does she ever, I'll say that right now. She will be a banker all up in your grill until you beg for mercy, but there is no mercy in her. Only banking. Substantial banking experience.
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