Apprentice
Shaniagans

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Lesson Ten: Keep It In The Aughts

Then the cool secret footage petered out, and we considered briefly our Final Five. Adam: a virgin, socially and utterly naïve, but really smart and a hard worker. Rebecca: more intense than an elevator ride in the company of Betty Applewhite, Irina Derevko, and Kit McGraw from Nip/Tuck, but smart and "sophisticated." Felisha: wallflower, majordomo, and intermittent folk singer/doormat with a gift for diplomacy and secret smarts. Alla: soul-eating and somewhat abrasive but charming self-made multi-millionaire with a future in demagoguery. And Randal: puppy-saver, water-walker, grandmother-mourner and peacemaker, kind of boring but with a degree in whatever the hell you'd like, and the people and business experience to back it up.

Tonight!

That awful Levi Kreiss song plays us up to the suite, which is annoying except for how Adam, Alla and Felisha are all stretched out on the couches, singing it to each other. It's like a very skinny, well-dressed Babysitter's Club. Even Felisha -- never one to self-edit the dorkiness -- is like, "Yeah, I wasn't over-invested in this task at all." So cute! And Adam: so sleepy and cuddly! And Alla, so proud-papa with her affectionate looks and applause all around. They watch Felisha dancing around in her shiny, shiny pants with the intense love of Chris, Mark, Josh, and James. I'd just hate it if they turned on each other. But they are the Three Amigos! The Musketeers! The Chipmunks! That could never happen...could it? Well, only if this show wants to maintain my interest. Alla hilariously mourns the foregone-conclusion of superstud77's firing, sweetly remembering how he made her breakfast every morning. Every morning, people. I want more unseen footage of Alla and superstud77, because they get more intensely Grey Gardens about each other every time it comes up.

Alla interviews that Rebecca and Randal will have to call upon their "so far nonexistent" creative abilities for this task, or else they're "done." Felisha sings The Apprentice end-of-episode Tension Theme as Adam welcomes Rebecca and Randal back to the suite, and they excuse themselves for a debrief. Rebecca intensely sort-of apologizes about calling Randal "uncreative" in the Boardroom, and Randal clarifies that there's a difference between questioning his judgment, and saying he didn't step up, and by conflating those two, she gave a much bigger smack to his performance than perhaps she intended. I'm not sold that she didn't actually mean to do just that, but it's how Randal talks, like how he told Kristi there were possibly assholes in this world, and they might be acting in a certain way, and if she was in fact acting that way, it was perhaps the case that she was an asshole. Rebecca knows what he's saying, which puts her one better than Kristi in this situation, and nods curtly. And intensely.

Randal interviews that "perception means a lot" in this game, and that all Trump has to go on is every single word he hears, because it all adds up to a mental picture of Randal's performance, so that in the end the Boardroom impression would be that Randal has slacked on the last two tasks. Which, he informs Rebecca, is the opposite of the case on this last task. Rebecca fully apologizes at this point, and then interviews that either way they have to work together and win, so why worry about it. She then gets very Rebecca with him, and it's glorious: "You push me as hard as you can possibly push me, and I will do the same thing for you." Randal's like, "Um, yeah. Let's do that."

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Apprentice

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