Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
Lesson Ten: Keep It In The Aughts

Trump asks Alla about the whole budget issue (one assumes there are as many edits in this scene as possible, because the conversation only makes sense to us, the viewer, and not as a thing in itself in any way) and she replies that "One thing Adam brought to the table was to get as many carriages as possible," but that at that point, "we only had a certain amount left." Which is the only thing she can now say, so at least Felisha got her into that corner, if nothing else. Trump says they spent "too much money" on the carriages, and Adam looks worried. Carolyn -- who's quite rapacious in this Boardroom, to be honest, although mostly I like it -- asks how many carriages there were. Adam replies that there were 14 carriages. Plus only 15 people walking around equals a very unimpressed Carolyn: "Horses can't talk!" She rants (well, it's Carolyn, so it counts as a rant for her, at least) that Excel had 60 people, all of whom could communicate reasonably well. Only if New York had a Horse Harlem, she seems to imply, would this have been a good idea. Bill, refusing to break his zero out of infinity record for original thought, explains that they didn't "think big," didn't "throw the net out far enough," considering how the other team managed to canvas the entire city. And with only three ankles!

Alla goes to that place you hate to see them go: "But we only lost by five calls!" And Carolyn gives the only response you can, once things have gotten to this state: "But you lost." Alla about-faces that she delegated the hiring to Felisha, and asked for twenty people, and again Felisha soft-sells it: "We didn't get the people we anticipated…" Seeing that this is worthless, Alla jumps in about the sneaky bullhorn business, and it's over: Bill and Trump both giggle helplessly and agree that the bullhorn maneuver was absolutely wonderful. They should have at least given lip service to the fact that this was a serious disadvantage, even if it was fair play by the rules, but, like, sometimes boys have cooties, so all we get is: "They fucked you good, huh?" Which is admittedly my reaction, but I have cooties too. Just ask Markus.

Carolyn, out of nowhere, asks Felisha what the hell she did contribute. I could almost see this as a tenth-inning invitation to air her grievances against Adam and his damned horses, but she again fumbles, giving that same speech about how "people" are the best sales tool they had. Carolyn's like, "Better than horses, yeah?" But instead of nodding wryly, she's already gone: "I had a certain amount of time…" And Carolyn's done with her ass: "So they just did it better than you." Ouch. Further proving her inability to read this Boardroom at all, or pay attention to Boardroom history (n. : commonly indicating past events), whines that Excel "got lucky." Which they didn't; they got smart and didn't let old Dowager Horse & Carriage fuck it up, but Trump's just put off by the whole "lucky" concept. "All you needed was five more votes, so there must be a reason you lost." Alla steps right up: "[Labor] is the reason we lost." Felisha loses 33% of her composure here: "No, no, no, no, no, no -- that's not true!" She is somewhat emphatic. Alla turns to her, triumphant and scary and done with this: "Look at the numbers, Felisha. I asked you for twenty people…" Felisha protests that she got every person she could, and goes into a song-and-dance about how she went through the phone book begging for people, and Alla points out that the same thing is true for Excel. Wow. She'll go to bat for Felisha in a sec, out of the two, but this was pretty harsh.

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