Send In The Crowns

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
The Tooth Hurts

Previously on Now SHE Is An Ice Cream Headache: The boys were bursting with carb-errific energy selling donut ice cream on the street, while the women flailed around like the wheatgrass-juice-drinking, no-fun-having, pallid-complexion-developing nothings that they are, remaining dull and lifeless even while pushing something called Red Velvet. Ivana's leadership skills were enough to make you pine for the kings of Enron, but when Baldford thoughtlessly decided to toss away his exemption like he didn't need it anymore, it annoyed Trump, who believes you only do that with wives. In fact, so annoyed was Trump that ultimately the Hair decided to kick the Lack Thereof right out of the suite and into the street. Adios, Baldford. I hope you bag a few honeys, aw, yeah, buddy!

Credits. I like Pamela's little eyebrow-pop. It's a brilliant communication of how much she hates all the other women already. I'll have to keep practicing.

Night. New York street scene porn. Manholes and such. And up in S5, we are in the midst of the Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch. The rest of the women of Apex remind the members of Mosaic that it's Ivana, Baldford, Jennifer C., and Stacie left in the Boardroom. Stacy takes great pleasure in announcing that Baldford waived his exemption. John thinks that's a fairly entertaining story of bravado. "He was bouncing off the walls today, I love it!" John laughs. Someone calls it "a stroke of crazy non-genius," which is a pretty good line to come out of a room full of people who probably grew up on the comedy stylings of Lee Iacocca. Andy interviews that he found Baldford's decision a jaw-dropper: "It's basically like saying you're the world's safest driver, so you don't need to wear a seatbelt anymore." And someday, when he has a driver's license, he's totally not going to take that unsafe attitude.

The three women return to S5. At the sight of all of them, Pamela and John are shocked, and John heads off to tell the others. "No! No, no no!" Maria says. And, I mean...yes, actually, so shut up. Sandy interviews that she's "sad" for Baldford, because the team needs him and will be weak without him. Both of which make her actually sad for herself and not anyone else, not that I would expect her to notice the difference. I have decided that Sandy has the most generic I Am Made Up And Decked Out To Look Like An Attractive Girl, But I Am, If You Look Closely, Kind Of Not face ever. She claims that the moral of the story is that you're never safe. I would say the moral of the story is that you don't act like a reckless and overconfident moron, but that's why I don't own a bridal salon.

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