Apprentice
Laugh On

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So Long, Sweetie

First off, I wanted to give the link to NeNe's charity, Atlanta Mission: My Sister's House, which I couldn't figure out last week. Thanks to astute reader Kathleen for sending it my way. Well, I'm awake now and not even miserable. Let's see how I feel in three hours. Honestly, I'm not sure what NBC's trying to do with a three-hour episode other than fill airtime. Maybe their master plan is to make people so sick of Trump that no one votes for him if he runs for president? Because I can't imagine three hours of this show would help him win.

Anyway, here we go. Previously: NeNe and Star battled, but Hope went home when the ladies lost. And the guys got a new teammate when Trump let La Toya come back. In the suite, everyone tells La Toya how much Trump thinks of her to bring her back. Marlee interviews that it's not fair that La Toya got to come back. NeNe and Star come back then, though. Star isn't in the mood to hang out, so she leaves while NeNe hangs out with everyone. Star interviews that she told NeNe she'd talk, but she has no intention of that. Back in the suite, Marlee asks NeNe what they're going to do now, and NeNe interviews that Star leaving shows just how weak she is. "Come on back and play with the big girls, honey." Ew. "Money, money, money." Remember David Cassidy? Yeah, me neither.

Lil Jon gets to present another check for $40,000 to United Methodist Children's Home, making him the only project manager to win twice. Which is somewhat impressive, actually.

The next day, the teams line up in front of Trump. He says he was hoping Star and NeNe could work it out, but he doesn't think that can happen. NeNe doesn't agree, but Star does. So Trump switches NeNe and Meat Loaf. Star interviews that she'd never stoop to NeNe's level, but she worried if they stayed on the same team that NeNe would attempt to bring her there. She sure does talk a lot of nonsense, doesn't she? But now, on to the task: They're going to produce a comedy show. Each team will get three comedians and fifty tickets to sell, which they can sell for as much as they want. It's ultimately going to be about who gets the most total money. His advisers will be Ivanka and Jim Cramer. The newbies -- Meat Loaf and La Toya -- are going to be the project managers. John Rich thinks that with La Toya on their team, fundraising should be excellent, because she's a Jackson and is one phone call away from everyone. The winning team gets the money they all raise. Trump asks Star if she feels better, and she says she does. NeNe, however, does not. She interviews that she's not sure what she's going to do, but she needs some time.

Backbone war room. NeNe's disappeared without telling anyone where she went. They forget about her, though, and start calling in their big guns. La Toya calls Larry King. Lil Jon calls someone and is all, "Money, dollar bills, go, go, go." Then he interviews that the key to success in a fundraising task is raising the most damn money. So far, he has $7,500. Rich says he tapped out most of his big donors on the art show. The one ace left in his hole, he says, is Jimmy Fallon. So he calls him and Jimmy's in. He's happy to do a bit or a song with Rich or something for the comedy show. They are worried that NeNe's not around to call for donors, though, so Rich sings a "NeNe" song to try to conjure her up. "NeNe, NeNe, where the hell'd you go? Guess you don't want to work today with your new team Backbone."

ASAP. They're starting to make calls for money, too. Star Jones knows Tracy Morgan, though, and is going to call him and ask him to help out with their comedy show. Isn't it a coincidence that the comedy people who happen to be willing friends to the folks on this NBC reality show are comedians with NBC contracts? Hmmm. Marlee's also willing to do her own comedy bit, which she calls "Deaf Comedy." Meat Loaf starts making calls trying to get money, which he says is difficult for him because he's not used to asking people for things. It's making him crazy. Jim Cramer comes in then, immediately going all Mad Money on them. Star gets her call back from someone named Kenny, who says they can come over and film Tracy Morgan for a couple minutes. Jim Cramer interviews that ASAP was thinking too small by getting Tracy on a video instead of getting him live and in person. He says he certainly wouldn't have been satisfied with just a video.

Rich tells La Toya he may have a donor who will give $50,000. Lil Jon thinks that's good, but La Toya wants to get a $100,000 donation. She says it's important for her to win now that she's on a new team, because she wants to prove herself. She's counting on someone to give her a big donation. She gets a rejection from her biggest donor, who can't fly out because he's doing a seminar. Ivanka shows up and asks if there's a number they're trying to hit, and La Toya says she wants to get close to what Rich's team raised last time. They point out NeNe's nowhere to be seen, and Ivanka's pretty disappointed. She does think Backbone's working pretty harmoniously without her, however. Lil Jon: "NeNe, NeNe, wherefore art thou, NeNe?" I have to assume he knows what that means and is actually asking why NeNe is NeNe. Because it's a damn good question, really.

Star shows up to shoot a video of Tracy, who she says will be their special comedy guest. She videos him talking about when he used to make fun of her on Saturday Night Live. Tracy says Star's a good friend, so he's doing this to repay her for being a good sport about him portraying her on SNL.

NeNe gets in a cab somewhere in New York when Trump calls her. He tells her he's never called anybody, but he's calling her because he thinks she has great ability and should not quit. She tells him that he accommodated Star when he has seven people left. She's not going to stay and put up with that. He tells her that quitting would be stupid after making it this far. Back in their war room, they keep wondering where she is. Then La Toya gets a text that NeNe quit for good. They're not happy about it. She tells them she can't stay because of Star, and Rich points out to his team that she's let Star win by running her off. Lil Jon thinks it's "not a good look" to go from the losing team to the winning team, and then quit.

Both teams show up at Gotham Comedy Club to audition comedians for their show. Montage of really lame stand-up comedy. There doesn't seem to be any debating about who gets which comedians. They each choose three and take off. Back in the ASAP war room, Meat Loaf's donor calls are starting to come in: $20,000, $25,000, etc. Marlee congratulates him, but he says John Rich scares the hell out of him. Then it dawns on Meat Loaf that if his team loses, all this money he's raising will go to La Toya's charity, which he's sure is a great charity, but it's not his.

Backbone war room. La Toya's calling people, but not letting her team know how much money she's raised, so they don't know what to think. She keeps making calls and asking for money, even though she says it's hard for her. She settles for $1,000 from the Hilton family, which Rich thinks is ridiculous. He says the Jacksons are connected to every major entity on Earth, so she's going to have to call people she's not comfortable calling.

In the ASAP van the next morning, Meat Loaf is sobbing beca

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