Blown Away

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B- | Grade It Now!
Prostitution Bore

Previously: Dayana was finally put away, to be replaced next season by whatever pageant girl/cheerleader/boxing match ringside girl Trump pops a boner for next season. You know, Celebrity Apprentice has probably been really good for Trump and Melania's marriage staying together, since it lets him get all his horndoggery out of the way on TV. Anyway. Five left! Two getting fired tonight!

Post-Pinkslip Aftermath:
Everybody's like, "Dayana, right?" as they wait for Forte to return. Lisa and Clay try for a fakeotus, where Lisa returns alone and says Trump fired both Dayana and Clay. Arsenio is heartbroken, until Clay emerges and the bromance continues. Also? Lisa says it was a legendarily quick boardroom. She does a happy little song-and-dance in an interview, but before long, it's on to the next target: Teresa Giudice and her extreme stupidity. Batter up!

The Task:
The final five meet at Hearst Tower to receive their task from Trump, the editor-in-chief of Elle, and the horndoggy namesake and CEO of Farouk Systems, the people who gifted the hair-care world with the Chi iron. Chi has a new hair dryer with a touch-screen for something or other, and the teams have to create a four-page ad campaign (suitable for Elle) to promote it. They'll be judged on brand messaging, the print ad campaign, and the overall pitch. Lisa and Teresa step up as the project managers. Then, there's a weird moment, as Trump maybe tries to sell Aubrey to Farouk as a wife? I dunno. He says she's gotten more and more beautiful as the season has gone on, and Farouk promises to shower Aubrey with jewels and houses or something.

Team Unanimous:
Farouk and the Elle lady return to the penthouse to give the teams some guidance. Arsenio notices "corporate pimpin'" Farouk wearing red shoes to match the branding of his product. He also notices Farouk hitting on Aubrey pretty shamelessly (and Aubrey being as receptive to it as your average geisha). "Men take to Aubrey," Arsenio offers. "If she wasn't such a bitch, I'd take to Aubrey." He wonders if it's about her insane fake hair.

After the execs leave, the ideas start bouncing around, mostly from Aubrey. Her big idea this week is something about futuristic Buddhist meditation. Something about the future of hair-care? She also doesn't want to have any words on the ad. "As usual," she says. "I had a million ideas."

Next, because Trump is a devious puppet-master, the teams each have to send a representative to negotiate for which models each team gets. Aubrey has her whatever-is-there-besides-a-heart set on some redheaded model (because Farouk is an Aubrey-loving pervert, of course), so she sends Teresa out with very specific marching orders. Of course, Teresa has to go up against Lisa, and as soon as Lisa sees that Teresa needs one specific model, she immediately is like, "Oh, no, we want her too." In truth, Lisa and Clay could give a shit which models they get. But Lisa has decided to play hardball and make sure Teresa doesn't get what she wants. It's an embarrassing mismatch on every level. Teresa actually has to go back in for additional coaching from Aubrey. Lisa ultimately tries to force some short-haired doof on her, even though Teresa wants a guy Lisa doesn't even want. Clay is laughing his ass off from the next room, but Teresa is not equipped to play this game, so she's getting angry. But Lisa gets her way, and Teresa TAKES the short-haired guy! Back inside, Aubrey and Arsenio are crestfallen, and they tattle to Eric when he comes by about how Teresa dropped the ball. Teresa whines about Lisa being a dirty player, but this story only makes Lisa look good and Teresa look bad, so... Meanwhile, whenever Teresa -- the PM -- tries to explain the concept of the ad, Aubrey starts pouting like crazy. But don't worry! Aubrey totally ends up bulldozing the entire conversation anyway!

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