Bling It On

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Chain wallets and small potatoes
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Audrey Cried The Day The Circus Came To Town: A golf task brought an already shaky Audrey to the shattering point when John, Chris, and Craig decided that it isn't necessary to listen to 22-year-olds, especially when they are (yuck) girls. Lacking either power or authority, and possessing absolutely none of the skills necessary to properly navigate a maze of dipwads, Audrey tried to make do with haranguing, which didn't work out so well for her. Despite the fact that Trump wasn't all that excited about Chris horking up tobacco juice in front of little children, Audrey's total inability to cope with what John was shoveling sent her home with nothing but stubby little pencils to remember the agony of the task by. Aww! Who can we get rid of now? Who? Who? Really, almost anyone's okay with me.

Night. Love Palace. Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch. Tana asks a very nervous-looking Chris, currently hunched over like a prisoner waiting to be sentenced and looking kind of sad in his little suit, who he thinks will take the fall. Others think it might be Audrey, but Chris frets that "they're hitting John so hard." He pauses and adds, "John's my boy, and they're hittin' him." (It's actually more like "John's my buoy," but that's the affectation talking.) Tana, unfazed by the foxhole-like loyalty Chris is exhibiting, asks Chris what he would do if Trump fired John, and Chris looks like he totally has no idea. It would be just that traumatic and disorienting. I'm telling you, don't believe those courtroom outbursts, people -- Chris is in love. Just then, the suite door opens. "Craiggers! Angie!" Chris shouts. ("Craiggers"? EW.) And then he looks around the corner, sees John, and goes apeshit. Chris interviews that he was "extremely excited," as if you couldn't tell from the thumping power of that man-hug. He says that John is "like [his] big brother." So that's how it is in their family. Once they're all done congratulating the returning team members, Net Worth has a dorky hands-in-the-center cheer for itself. Of course, their theory is undoubtedly that there will be no more losing, now that they got rid of the person whose fault it all was. It's a strange brand of optimism that breaks out among recently shrunken teams. It always leads to such sadness and disappointment.

In an awesome interview, John crows about how they walked out of the Boardroom without any hurt feelings. Except Audrey's, of course, and they crushed her under the wheels, so there's no use crying over spilt milk! I mean, is this dink listening to himself? When you all agree on a scapegoat and you successfully have her banished, it's not like the rest of you have accomplished anything all that impressive by walking out as friends. Nothing brings people together, after all, like blame-shifting. The Department of Defense gives the best Christmas parties.

The next morning, the Rhonaphone rings, and Angie (who's apparently taking the job of designated answerer, thus depriving us of gossip-feeding shots of various people in assorted stages of undress, which seems rather unfair) picks it up as usual. Rhona tells Angie that both teams need to come to the Boardroom at 8:00 AM, and that they should choose their project managers before they get there. Oh, and the PMs have to be people who haven't done it yet, so no doubling up, pushy people like John. In one of the bedrooms, Kendra goes to Alex for fashion advice (uh...natch?) regarding whether to wear pants or a skirt. Alex advises her to wear "something powerful." Kendra explains that she's the last person on the team who hasn't been project manager, so it's all on her to do the honors this time. Not off to a great start showing a general reluctance to dress herself without getting all team-building about it, but we'll see how it goes. She says she's hoping to prove she's "a great leader" and "not flying under the radar." We watch her button up a weird puffy-sleeved blouse with a strange third-grade Easter pageant vibe. She just needs a big old purple hat. Kendra somewhat incongruously adds that she intends to induce Magna to "kick butt." Let's see, Alex, Bren, Kendra, Stephanie, Erin. Not seeing a lot of butt-kicking potential there, really.

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