Apprentice
Bend It Like Donald

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Lesson Eight: The Level Of Our Incompetence
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously, Arrow won for the millionth time, and then Trump fired Derek for "his unprofessional behavior," meaning "no reason at all," and Surya nodded sagely about how stupid Derek was, and then Trump fired Jenn for "being a weak leader," I guess, and suddenly this week we're treated to a shot of Jenn looking like she's about to vomit, instead of what really happened. Because what really happened was that the inmates continued to realize that the asylum they were in was stupid, and Trump kept pulling his weak-ass rank in as many directions as possible, telling Randal to shut up for no reason and firing people and screaming his stupid head off to regain control of a stupid, silly game show that only he is taking seriously.

In the tent, we review exactly who's left on Kinetic: Kristine, Angela, Muna, and Heidi. Kristine interviews how they're going to have to work harder than they've ever worked, now that Derek's not around to tell them what sneaky shit they need to be doing, and Kristine -- perhaps she is drunk -- is telling Kinetic that they could easily be the Final Four. Inside, Surya is talking and talking total bullshit about...whatever. They're brilliant, he's so happy to have saved them from themselves, he's their corporate Henry Higgins and they are all drooling fools that he loves affectionately, they always had potential that only he could see, without him they would have drowned in their mediocrity, and wouldn't that have been sad. Nicole stares at her wine and swirls and swigs, again and again. James and Frank send highly violent eye daggers of hatred directly at his stupid face. Surya tells them how lucky they are to be in his presence, both as a leader and a person of integrity, because all they needed was someone to show them the path -- they always had it in them to shine. He's privileged to have been the wonderful man to bring that to light, and he'll always be proud of his part in making them such a great team. He fully tells James that his favorite thing about James is that he reminds him of Surya, in that he's a brilliantly capable leader who is never going to be recognized for his genius within his lifetime. That's what he likes about James. Whatever self-obsessed assholes do when they think they're being complimentary, that's what he's saying. I'm slightly -- slightly -- exaggerating, but then that's just what I do, take pabulum and the pronouncements of people shoved up their own recta, and turn it into art. It's just who I am.

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Apprentice

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