Australian Gold

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: C+ | Grade It Now!
He Just Wants To Fly

Previously: the celebrities had to make art, and La Toya came through for the women by using her brother's fame. John Rich and Marlee both raised a whole bunch of money. Nene and Star sort of had a tiff, but it was nothing compared to Meat Loaf's crazy-as-hell screaming at Gary Busey. Together, the teams raised more money than the show's ever raised in an entire season. Since Jose left early in the episode because his father was "ill," Hatch was eliminated when the men lost (even though the guys tried to get Trump to eliminate Busey). Also previously -- and sort of in the future: Outside the world of reality TV (or is it?), Trump has expressed interest in running for president.

Marlee's happy about her win, and Meat Loaf thanks her for letting John Rich keep his money for his charity. She says it's a no-brainer. Everyone's happy now, because the teams are even (five vs. five) and both project managers get to give their charities a bunch of money. Everyone toasts, but La Toya's mad because Marlee thinks she's the weakest player. La Toya says she's not going away easily. Busey glowers at Rich, and Rich asks him if that's hate in his eye. Busey says it's actually concern and loyalty. Mark tells Busey it's nothing personal, but Busey says he feels motivated by everyone being against him. All the guys interview that it's Busey's time to go home. If only Trump didn't love him so damn much. "Money, money, money..." I'm not sure about this fringy leather jacket Busey's sporting.

Marlee meets with Bill Austin from the Starkey Hearing Foundation to present him with a check for $1 million. We don't get to see Rich's charity, St. Jude, get their half-million. But I'm sure they were happy. The teams line up on a rooftop in the wind, and Rich thanks Trump for letting them choose to split the winnings. Trump says he'd never have let it happen if he were them, but Marlee reminds him this is for charity. Trump: "You're nicer people than I am." Uh, duh. Anyway, Trump tells them about Australian Gold, "one of the hottest products in the sun-care industry." Of course it must be, because Trump never speaks in superlatives. He goes on about Steve, the head of Australian Gold, who is one of the most amazing entrepreneurs ever. The task: Teams are to "think inside the box." Using a 10-foot-by-10-foot glass box, they have to make a marketing thing for Australian Gold. They'll be judged on creativity/originality, brand messaging, and continuing the marketing theme outside the glass box. Trump asks if they all understand. No one speaks up, so we get no clarification, but I'm confused. A 10-by-10 box? What? Project managers will be La Toya and Mark. La Toya's playing for AIDS Project Los Angeles, and Mark's playing for Save the Music. The winning charity will get $20,000 from Trump and $20,000 from Australian Gold. Trump tells them what a great product Australian Gold is. I mean, look no further than CEO Steve and his wife, Tomisue, who look like they're made of leather. Tip to the teams: Don't put them in the 10-by-10-foot box.

Backbone's brainstorming. They decide to be pirates looking for treasure, and the treasure is Australian Gold. But the guys are going to "fight cleavage with cleavage" (TM Meat Loaf) because they know the women will be using their Playmate Hope in a bikini. So they'll have ladies dressed in gold somewhere in the glass box with their treasure. Or something. Busey thinks (or, rather, knows instinctively) it's a bad idea, because he's never seen a pirate movie where pirates are putting on suntan lotion. Not Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, or Orlando Bloom. So, what, he's seen just the one pirate movie? Mark tells Busey he's standing by this and he'll go home if it goes bad.

ASAP. La Toya puts Nene and Marlee in charge of creative, Hope is going to go buy stuff, Star is in charge of graphics. Nene tells us that La Toya "gave herself... nothing." They brainstorm, which involves people throwing out ideas, and La Toya blankly saying, "Um. I don't know." Marlee shit-talks about her behind her back. Nene rolls her eyes a lot. La Toya says, "I'm thinking..." then trails off. Star interviews that it looks like they're going to lose another creative task to the men. While they're still brainstorming, Steve, Tomisue, and Melinda (who also works for their company) come in. La Toya asks them a couple questions, about demographics and the product. They tell the ladies that their logo, Sydney the koala bear, is very important.

They tell the guys the same thing, and use the word "treasure," so Mark thinks it's perfect to go with pirates. As Tomisue's talking about how much kids and teenagers like it, Busey pipes up, "It gives you a sexual feeling." The Australian Gold folks aren't impressed, and neither is Backbone. Rich asks the CEOs if they've ever used pirates; they haven't. After the executives leave, Rich tells his team he's not sure the pirate thing will work, but Mark and Meat Loaf are committed and they move ahead with it. Lil Jon's in charge of costumes and props with Busey. Lil Jon realizes he's just baby-sitting and keeping Busey out of everyone else's way so they can get work done.

ASAP. La Toya decides to go with a beach theme and to put a totally gold man and woman in there, from head to toe. Nene's not sure it's creative enough, and doesn't quite understand it. La Toya's like, "Just make it fun." Hope volunteers to be one of the gold people, but La Toya tells her "just the models for now, okay?" La Toya interviews that Hope could have been a model, but she needed her to work on funding and shopping. Hope interviews that she's just going to lay low since she offered to be the model that she is, and La Toya told her no. Star and La Toya get into an argument because La Toya wants twelve banners, which costs more than twice of their entire printed budget. La Toya's like, "I want them all," and Star tries to explain the concept of a budget to her. La Toya just thinks this is all more confirmation that everyone is out to get her.

Backbone. Mark, Rich, and Meat Loaf show up at the fabricators' to show them what they'd like. They want their box to be covered with planks, they'd like a mast with a crow's nest, and in the center will be the treasure with Australian Gold coming out of it. The fabricators nod, totally bored. Hope, Nene, and Marlee have to go buy props and costumes. In the van, though, they realize they have no idea what they're doing or what they're supposed to buy. Star and La Toya show up at their construction room. Star's going to work on graphics with the graphic artist, leaving La Toya to offer instructions to the fabricator. She asks him what they're building, and he's like, "Whatever you'd like." She tells him the theme is a beach with palm trees and koala bears. They have no clue what she wants because, guess what? She doesn't have a clue.

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