A Slice Of Heaven

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Eight: Horatio Alger Is Mother Goose For Weasels

Tarek continues to lose his mind out on the street, while Charmaine and Tammy go crazy on the customers and sell, sell, sell. Lee and Leslie discuss the big "deal" he's brokered, and she authorizes him to try $2.50. He pantses around and tells her it's a "home run," and it's's sandwiches, made of pizza. Not the Google IPO. My notes say Leslie's "something" is tingling. I don't know. Probably she said "stomach," but it's funnier this way.

Gold Rush New Rushee Michael greets George at the door. His ass, specifically. He tells George it was Lee's idea to clear out all the other sandwiches, and Lee calls the guy, who can't do $2.50. So he cries like a ballsy little bitch, and Leslie tells him it was a good try. Charmaine is I think a little bit disgusted. She interviews that he lost himself an hour of manpower time -- and you'd think Lee of all people would want to show what a hard worker he is, considering as they get punchier and crazier they're only going to resent him more for the holidays, even if they can't admit it. You don't think you'd stab somebody for a peanut butter sandwich until you watch Big Brother and see how near the surface the beast really is -- but that she feels really good about this. "We did great today. Michael was a great addition, he fit right in and worked really hard." Another thing Lee was right about. "We need this. It's Leslie's birthday tomorrow and she wants a win and a lovely reward. I think the stars are aligning and it's finally our turn." Meaning they're all going to be fired, and possibly doused in gasoline and ignited.

Into the Boardroom! Synergy is wearing dorky aprons, except for Sean. Who's wearing a dorky apron all the time, but one you cannot see. Andrea tells Trump that she didn't eat the product, because she's a vegetarian -- and I'm sorry, but of course she is -- but that she likes the "really cool" and "really interesting" concept. Trump tells them George loved it, everybody giggles, and Michael and Gold Rush talk about their mutual love while Synergy smirks and prays he's PM next week.

I don't understand a lot of what George says this week, it's weird. He says that GR had a "fairly high price point: $7.99 for one, $8.99 for two." Andrea and Allie almost plotz. Total sales increase for Gold Rush: 608%. They all grin happily, and Carolyn takes her turn: "They had these fucking hats." One sandwich made of pizza for $4, two for $6. "And the result of this strategy was an increase of 997%." Andrea almost cries. That is such a large number to have a percent sign after it! Whoa! They all smile at each other. On GR, Tarek and Leslie and Michael all have their eyes closed like they are meditating, or trying not to barf. "Even Michael couldn't help you win," says Trump. At least he didn't help them lose, though. It's funny how the people on GR are what I think of as promising candidates, while Synergy is more embarrassing and stuff, but they are kicking lots of ass. "You know in life, Leslie, you have winners and you have losers? Right now you're a loser." WHAT? "You know in life, Leslie, you have winners and you have losers? Right now you're a loser." Happy fucking birthday, loser. My goodness!

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