Apprentice
A Slice Of Heaven

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Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Eight: Horatio Alger Is Mother Goose For Weasels

Anyway. "Know Your Customer" is the tiny Wisdom for the episode. Trump tells us his father would lurk around buildings and harass the people going in and out of them, and then go design buildings to meet the needs of the people. I have no idea what that means. I like my buildings to...stay in one place. Doors that open and shut. I would definitely thumbs-down a building that didn't have those. Shelter from the elements. Lots of available light. Central heating and air. I like buildings that stay put, on the inside too. Doors that lock. No sudden cave-ins, I'd tell Trump père. No staircases that eat you, or have people under them. That's my input. "Know your customer," Trump tells us. "It's a good road to success."

Leslie cracks the whip on GR about brainstorming the promo item. She's nice to watch, leadership-wise. I wish I'd seen her before in my life. Tarek suggests discussing price first, but she tells him to shut up and brainstorm the promo item. He's like, "Will do." It's all very polite and seems to be going well. Lee stares at Leslie and wonders how she just disagreed with Tarek, and whether she can teach him her strange, witchy ways. Lee interviews that it "sends a poor message to Trump" that Leslie "waited so long" to be PM. Fucking mow your own lawn, Lee. Everything he says has this very crass patronizing grease on it, like, he's explaining to anybody who will listen about how the show, and business, and life work. The real deal. And it's ugly, because he doesn't actually get it. "If she loses, she's finished." He tells them all very self-importantly that he is the demographic for this task. "I am the person that we're selling to!" Basically, he explains, because he's from New York, and went to college. Brilliant. I mean, that should give his opinion more weight, but he's so wrong about so many things that's not really very interesting to think about. Although the one thing he's right about is informed by the fact that he's the demo, so again: can't really joke about it, because it turns out to be right.

Charmaine brainstorms coffee mugs -- "universal" -- over t-shirts, which are "tailored" (rimshot!) more toward kids, and less toward the universe. Leslie suggested those nylon six-pack coolers, everybody loves it, done deal. I hate this task because they really are doing almost everything right, and better, than the other team, for once, and it was from the beginning, and that was thanks to Leslie, and then they get burned (SPOILER!) by one tiny thing. Which burns, but not as fucking bad as Lee's vindication. Charmaine loves the coolers, everybody loves them, and Charmaine points out that they can raise the price point considerably with the coolers involved. Tarek watches sullenly as Michael, Charmaine, and Lee take off to scope the store -- I don't know why he's making that face. Maybe he thought Michael would forget Sean and make out with him instead, I have no idea.

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Apprentice

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