7Up Finale Part 2: Sweet Victory

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: A | Grade It Now!
Cowboy 7Up

We're finally here, at the end of this crazy season. Did you ever think we'd end up with such a relatively sane final two as Marlee and John Rich? Okay, yes, we all probably could have predicted this from Week 1. Trump has some henchmen roll out a red carpet for him on the sidewalk of New York City. Ridiculous. He tells us that this season's Apprentice has raised more money than ever, and John Rich and Marlee Matlin are two of the hardest-working people he's ever had in his boardroom. The henchmen run out of carpet right as Trump arrives at the live finale, so he fires them. Then he says we'll see who's next and he heads inside. Audience shots include George (!), Trace Adkins, Dee Snider. Trump sits down and reminds us of all of the fights of the season (mostly involving Nene), but says $3 million has been raised for charity this season. Applause. He says tens of millions has been raised over the course of all of the celebrity seasons. I don't have time to fact-check that, because now we're moving on to the previouslies.

Meat Loaf cries. Jose Canseco called Hatch a damn liar. Meat Loaf had a breakdown. Hatch called David Cassidy a little person. And now two remain: Oscar-winning actress Marlee Matlin and country superstar John Rich. They both raised a bunch of money on a fundraising task, and were matched up twice. Each won one of those, so this is the tiebreaker. Last week, they started their tasks to market 7Up: Rich has the '80s and Def Leppard (and brought in Twisted Sister's Dee Snider), and Marlee has the '70s and the Harlem Globetrotters (and she brought in Geoffrey Holder, the '70s voice of 7Up). They both hit obstacles (constructed for TV or otherwise) as last week's episode ended. Full "Money, money, money" credits for a live audience. Live-applause-o-meter spikes for Busey and Mark, then goes way up for Rich and again for Marlee. And Nene. Because live audiences love their batshit.

Team Marlee's still waiting to see if they can get Geoffrey Holder to come through. Marlee sits and continues to get primped and preened while Meat Loaf does all of the heavy lifting on the phone with Geoffrey Holder's lawyer. Meat Loaf tells the lawyer they're going to send a car to pick him up while the lawyer continues to try to figure out what Meat Loaf thinks is a totally standard contract. In other words, Meat Loaf thinks Geoffrey's lawyer basically sucks.

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