The Americans
Safe House

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C+ | 8 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Breaking Stan

After the break, we're at said party at the Beemans', where Paige stomps around avoiding her parents and Philip and Elizabeth have a hushed conversation about how things are going. Not well, is Elizabeth's update from the front lines. Apparently Paige slept in Henry's room because the young lad is inconsolable. Elizabeth tells Philip it's for the best, this whole thing, and he snits, "Yeah, I know." Hey, who was the genius who floated divorce as an option in the first place, guy? They disperse, to mingle. Stan and John-Boy and Chris and the guys are watching hockey. At first, I thought the show was getting cute and showing the USA-USSR "do you believe in miracles?" game, and I was preparing to raise an unholy army of logistical nitpicks, but fine, it's just the "Eastern Conference quarterfinals" between the Calgary Flames and Philadelphia Flyers and HEY! The NHL didn't have Eastern and Western conferences until 1993. It was the Wales conference and Campbell conferences, and FURTHERMORE, in 1981, the NHL didn't separate their playoff bracket by conference anyone, so I don't know what The Americans is trying to pull here, but I am NOT HAVING IT.

Stan joins his FBI boys, and Agent John-Boy decides that this moment, when everybody's wearing Cosby sweaters and eating cold-cut sandwiches, is the time to start planning an extra-judicial retaliation on the Russians, in exchange for last week's house bombing. This is news to Stan, who doesn't seem all that receptive to it, actually. The target? Arkady, the acting KGB Rezident. Agent John-Boy is defiant that they have to go big on their retaliation. The plan is to swipe Arkady during his daily noontime jog. Being that this isn't strictly legal, Agent John-Boy stresses that participation is voluntary. Agent Chris is the first one to sign up, but Stan actually says to count him out. My guess is that his time spent with the white supremacists was enough straddling of the legal line for one lifetime. Agent John-Boy gets it, but Chris looks surprised and maybe betrayed.

Elsewhere, Matthew joins Paige on the stairs, where they can no doubt discuss how awful it must be to have to spend part of your precious teenage weekend at a party with your parents' friends. Paige tells him all about her parents' BS "hitting the pause button" plan and then looks warily at her dad in the kitchen.

Philip awkwardly crosses paths with Chris in said kitchen, but they don't really interact. Tough to blame Philip for that, given Chris's sweater-over-turtleneck look. Chris then expresses his surprise to Stan about his moral reservations. He says he understands -- "your shoes squeak." Which is an old metaphor and a somewhat tortured way to allow Chris to counter that he is "fully lubricated" himself. Since the mission statement these days is to have Chris be as disgusting as possible, he looks over at Elizabeth speaking to Sandra in the hallway and asks Stan about the "fox" talking to his wife. When he learns it's Stan's neighbor, he leers and suggests Stan "go borrow a cup of sugar some time." Ugh, he's just gross in the most boring of ways. I hope he does somehow.

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The Americans

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