Amazing Race
Your Tan Is Totally Cool

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
How Hanoi-ing

The second flight lands and Bates & Anthony seem to be the first out of the gate, with a cabdriver apparently unencumbered by common handicaps like, say, fear of oncoming traffic. Mona & Beth are noting the motor rickshaw traffic in among the regular cars, Wynona's hands are shaking, Joey says he was expecting the jungle rather than an actual city (what?), and Caroline is singing in the back of the cab she's sharing with Jennifer. Eventually they all wander into the hotel bar where the two lead teams are sacked out, and wonder aloud where Dave & Connor are. As the first two teams to get here slowly come awake, Pam explains that they last saw Dave & Connor in Singapore, where Dave went to see a doctor, but they're expecting them in the morning. Which is not actually true, because -- as Winnie interviews -- they decided to keep Dave & Connor's self-DQing to themselves so the other teams will assume there's another team behind them and thus won't run as hard. Which is actually kind of diabolically clever. I don't know if it works, though, given Dave & Connor's recent winning streak. "They're probably already checking in," someone says, probably half kidding. Team Newlywed and Pam & Winnie are stunned to hear that Jessica & John got eliminated without ever using their Express Pass (and again, it was spectacular), and Mona explains that they thought there was another team behind them. Much as Winnie is trying to make everyone else think there's another team behind them. Joey justifies Team JJ's tactic, saying they were saving it for in case they got U-Turned. Meghan's sitting on the floor as though it's a wake when the two lead teams start laughing and mocking the departed Team JJ -- totally justifiably -- and their ex-allies are deeply offended. But not enough to actually say anything in their friends' defense, because the upcoming U-Turn means they have to make nice. Otherwise someone might catch on to their alliance, you know.

The next morning, Phil and this week's greeter -- a man in a police or military uniform -- are standing outside the Pit Stop, which is the Vietnam National Museum of History. Dave & Connor come running up (or in Dave's case, that frightening high-speed crutch-lope he's developed that keeps making me think he's about to go crashing down like a racehorse on stilts made of umbrellas and folding deck chairs) as though the teams behind them are only seconds back instead of the better part of a day. Phil observes that they've decided to come straight to the mat, and Dave explains that as much as he doesn't want to let his son down, "it's come to an end." They're both getting choked up as Connor says his dad never did and never could let him down, calling him his best friend and his hero. He says they should have stopped after the second leg, but Dave wouldn't. Phil is sorry to Philiminate them, "But you should hold your head up and feel very proud of having run this race." Connor tells Dave he'd rather run four legs with his dad than win the million with anybody else, and after hugs and I Love Yous, they leave the mat, Dave telling Connor once again that he's sorry. But the ones I feel most sorry for are Phil and the greeter, who are in for a very long day of waiting.

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Amazing Race

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