Amazing Race
Why Did You Have To Take Your Pants Off?!, Part I

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Everything Flo's downhill from here

FloZach is madly pedaling. Well, Zach is madly pedaling. Flo is half-assedly pedaling. Everyone does a little more biking, and then Asshat is at the marina, spotting the steamship. FloZach is behind, and Zach is trying to push Flo, who is resisting. She's basically given up, convinced that it's all Zach's fault. Teri and Ian arrive at the paddleboats. Zach and Flo are at the marina also, but he doesn't see the boat. "The boats are over there, probably," Flo says, in a stereotypical, unbelievable half-weepy whine of the kind you'd think a grown woman couldn't probably produce if she weren't kidding. "Come on. Come on, Flo, we can still do it," he urges.

Asshat climbs into a paddleboat. "Come on, Teri," Ian says, which is good, because he never says that or anything.

"Arf arf arf arf arf arf!" Flo says. Oh, I'm sorry. That's what my dog told me that she said. I had to ask him, because her tone was too high for me to hear, but he had no problem with it. I forgot to run his version through the translator. Okay, apparently, Flo says, "It's over anyway, there's no way we can catch up to them!" "How not? We're stronger than they are! We caught them on the bikes!" Zach says. He's hustling toward the paddleboats, but she refuses to even run. She's walking petulantly, hands on hips, worried far more about making her point than she is about the task at hand. "We can make it," Zach argues as calmly as he can. "That's Ian and Teri!" she whines, gesturing. Zach tells her that Asshat is still paddling, so they should at least try. Flo, angry as hell at Zach for absolutely no reason, yells, "Go on, get the boat!" As he runs, she whines some more. "We're losing anyway, so I might as well walk!" Teri and Ian, paddleboating, see Zach approaching, so you can see how close this was. Then we see a shot of Zach walking across the grass with his helmet in his hand, and it could not be more obvious what has just happened. Zach has had his limit. You can see it on his face so clearly that I'm convinced it's the reason this shot is in the show. It's this infuriated calm -- he's all done, because he has just figured out that there is no bottom of the barrel, and nothing he ever does is going to help. Elsewhere, Flo, never dissuaded from acting up by the fact that she is at fault for everything that's happening, throws her helmet in disgust. How dare the world not bend to her whim! Shut up, Flo. A lot. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- in my ideal world, there would be a rule that if you yammer about giving up and quitting more than once, you're disqualified. I hate this crap.

Asshat continues paddling. FloZach finally makes it to the paddleboat and they start pedaling. "I suggest you put all that desire into these pedals right now," Zach says. Flo continues whining. She loudly moans that she doesn't want to make herself exhausted if they're eliminated anyway. "It's so humiliating," she moans. "I got beaten out by two, like, retired people." There are so many things wrong with that sentence that I don't know where to begin, but we'll start with how stupid it is that she doesn't understand that losing is not humiliating. Acting like an idiot, however, is very humiliating.

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Amazing Race

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