Amazing Race
Who Says Pageant Girls Don't Eat?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Champagne wishes and caviar [bleeeaaaargh]

Mirna now comes in with her very special theory: "We were actually the first people in line." Excuse me? The first people in what line? You were not. Not the first at the old line, not the first at the new line. So shut up. Lance: "Don't talk to me!" Again, the very difficult battle of Lance versus Mirna. What to do, what to do. Now, one of the Twinkies pipes up, "Are we all going to respect each other's order or not? Because [we're] tired of being pushed back!" I'm sorry, did she say respect each other's order? And if so, was she being ironic? Respect each other's order, my ass. And, not to open old wounds, but this is kind of the same way I felt about the Esquire griping about Guido passing them inside the Pantheon at the kitty statue. You wait in line to get inside -- that's the line, and that's what the line is for. Once you've gotten inside, the line ceases to exist, because a line is only for the thing it was for when it was established. The reason you're being "pushed back" is that it didn't occur to you to look for the other bus line's schedule, and then you didn't watch carefully enough to follow Colin and Christie as soon as most of the other people did. So cram it. Lance says, quite correctly (which makes me disoriented), that it's not like you can preserve the line in amber like a prehistoric mosquito. "What, we're going to maintain that order throughout the whole day?" And I'm not going to say, "Word, Lance," because it will cause me to go into shock and my throat to close up and my knees to buckle, but suffice it to say...yes. Chip has worked his way up to the front of this line, and Bob gives a disdainful, "You're not kidding anybody, Chip." Why would Chip be trying to kid anybody? Does Bob think Chip is hiding the ball about trying to get ahead by working his way up to the front of the line while the rest of them bicker over where they're going to stand? Because I'd think that the title of the fucking show would sort of give that tricky plan away.

Mirna and Christie get into it a little, as Christie says she's giving no credence to Charla and Mirna having "cut in front of [her]" at some point. She adds that she's "not willing to do [them] a favor," either. Mirna gets out her Pointing Finger (Christie does get a lot of the Fingers in her face) and demands, all pointy-like, "Have you ever done anybody in your life a favor? To do us a favor? You hate us." Mirna, of course, acts like Christie hates her for no reason, even as she gives everyone standing around her additional reasons to despise her. Christie is incredulous at being challenged on whether she has ever done anyone a favor in her entire life, but Mirna isn't finished. "We have God, and we have ourselves! We don't need a favor from you!" See, there it is again. "We" don't need a favor...and yet there "we" are, trying to gain an unfair advantage to make up for the fact that "we" didn't think of checking out the other bus, so now "we" are screwed. And for some reason, I was inclined to put in a "God called, and He said He wants his [blank] back" joke here, but I got lost in the middle, and can think of nothing but, "God called, and He said, 'Where was your faith in Me when you were asking for a doctoro?'" Shut up, Mirna.

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Amazing Race

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