Amazing Race
Who Says Pageant Girls Don't Eat?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 1 USERS: B+
Champagne wishes and caviar [bleeeaaaargh]

At 6:00 AM, as the teams note that the counter at El Valle (the bus line they're all waiting for) will open at 7:30, we see Colin asking his mysterious bus station source whether there's a schedule available for one of the other bus lines -- which the other teams would have never predicted they should investigate, considering that it says, in big letters on the window, "A Buenos Aires." Oy. Based on how dark it is outside, I suspect this actually is part of his original conversation with that guy before most of the rest of them got there, but we see it stuck in here anyway. At any rate, the guy tells him that Via Bariloche (the alternate bus company) has a bus that leaves three hours later than the El Valle bus everybody is in line for, but arrives at the same time, because it doesn't stop as often. They do kind of a cruel thing by subtitling the guy to say "it has less stops," which is hardly fair, because I don't think he has the same grammatical limitations as Christie. Colin explains that the first bus left at 9:30 in the morning and got to Buenos Aires at 7:30 the next morning, while the second bus left at noon, but also got to Buenos Aires at 7:30 the next morning. He claims that in addition to being faster, this second bus was "much, much more comfortable." At 7:00 AM, a half-hour before the El Valle counter is going to open, the Via Bariloche counter opens, and Colin casually strolls over toward it, trying not to attract attention and failing miserably. "Follow Colin and shut up," Marshall mutters, as Charla and Mirna turn to watch as well. I'm actually not convinced they're following Colin just because Colin moved -- I'll bet you Colin told Marshall what he was doing, because as I said, I think Colin had the bead on this from the beginning. Seeing Colin and Lance leave, everyone else jumps up in turn and follows Colin over toward the other counter. Bunch of damn sheep. BAAAAAA! "Let's keep the numbers," Bob says. "Yes, keep the numbers!" Joyce agrees.

Look, I like Bob and Joyce a lot, but "keep the numbers" is such horseshit. If somebody other than Colin had decided to investigate another option, would that person have been obligated to go and inform Colin and allow Colin and Christie to go ahead of him, even if it meant he couldn't even get the better option that he himself had discovered? Of course not. This wouldn't even have been an issue, except that the person who investigated the new bus happened to be first in line for the old bus, which gave them all the silly idea that Colin was just moving the line from one bus to the other. It's nice that they were all waiting politely for the first bus, but if you want to do something besides stand in the line you're in, you take your chances. I think part of my annoyance with a lot of these teams this season is this expectation that rather than actually maneuvering to gain an advantage, they'll just try to reach agreement that everyone will be equally passive and no one will try to slip past anyone else, and anyone who does will suffer the shame of being revealed to have bad manners. Which is boring, stupid, and antithetical to the whole "race" concept. In short? Shake a tail feather, people. This is not the line to be seated for a seven-course dinner at The Snooty Horse-Riding Country Club of Impeccable Pedigree.

Unfortunately, Colin feeds this silliness (of course, it's no skin off his nose and increases his air of authority) by saying, "If we can buy tickets, do y'all just want to do it in the same order?" Which...I mean, think about how absurd that is. It's none of his business in what order the rest of them buy tickets, because he's at the front of the line. He is literally the one person with no dog in this fight, and there he is, blowing his little gym teacher's whistle and telling everybody what the rules are. Of course, several of the other teams are all, "Oh, sure, same order!" Christie invites Nicole and Brandon, who were standing in third place in the El Valle line and are in what looks to be the back of this line, to step up in honor of their previous third-place status. Whatever. These people are all such wimps. Why are they letting Colin and Christie be the Popular Steadies and the King and Queen of the Line? Who appointed Colin and Christie to let Brandon and Nicole pass a bunch of other people when it has no effect on them? Stand up for yourselves, you nimrods! BAAAAAA!

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Amazing Race




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