Amazing Race
Who Says Pageant Girls Don't Eat?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 1 USERS: B+
Champagne wishes and caviar [bleeeaaaargh]

Where was I? Oh, yes, Christie and Her Looming Boyfriend. Marshall and Lance clap for her. Aw, that was nice. What? It was. "Oh, God," an exhausted Christie says, leaning back in her seat as if she's just been bitten by a poisonous sake. Or, actually, ravaged quite delightfully. It's surprising how much similarity there is between those looks. Uh, I've heard.

Christie is still all sniffly as Colin reads the clue and they leave. Mirna continues to harangue Charla. "Concentrate on what you're doing. Put the damn thing in your mouth. Shove it." Entire North American Continent: "YOU SHOVE IT, HARPY." Charla eats. Nicole? Not so much. "Ugggghh," she moans.

Chip and Kim arrive at the pit stop palace. She runs toward it, but he lags behind. "Oh, the caviar! The caviar!" he calls unhappily as he runs behind her. Hee. I love Chip. And yes, that stuff was nasty, you can tell. Chip is a big guy, and you can tell it just about laid him out as well. They climb a long set of steps and arrive on the mat, where Phil is waiting with the greeter. "Welcome to Pushkin, Russia!" the greeter says. Phil tells them that they are team number one. They "woo!", and Chip gives Phil a big hug. Okay, seriously, people, the handling of Phil has got to stop. Don't make me talk to all of you about boundaries. I will admit that Phil looks delighted, though. Hmm. Maybe he doesn't get enough love. Chip interviews about how great it feels to be number one at last.

And then, we are looking at a truly horrifying shot of Lance shoveling caviar into his yap. Man, that is gross. I didn't really need a guided tour of his nostrils. And why is his caviar green when everyone else's caviar is black? I don't really want to know the answers to these questions, I don't think. Nicole still looks...well, coincidentally, she looks green also. "I just feel so sick," she says. Brandon comes around behind her with a glass of water. She, however, crawls off her chair and curls up on the floor with her head on her backpack. "I feel like I'm about to pass out." And yes, when I first saw that, I was eye-rolling, because...I mean, it's food, so suck it up, girlie, and all of that. But then we looked up the nutritional information suggesting that two pounds of caviar contains as much salt as you should have in a week. A week. It's about two tablespoons of salt, which is one more tablespoon than the old wives' tale would tell you is appropriate to induce vomiting. Not to mention about 2800 calories (probably twice as much as these women usually eat in a day) and 180 grams of fat (four or five times what they probably usually eat in a day). Could that make you sick? Oh hell yes. Pile it on top of sleep deprivation, a twenty-hour bus ride, and a murderously long series of flights that probably already had you dehydrated? I say again, oh hell yes, that could make you sick. Nicole tells Brandon she's "so dizzy," and I believe that, too. "I'm here with you," Brandon tells her.

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Amazing Race




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