Amazing Race
Who Says Pageant Girls Don't Eat?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 1 USERS: B+
Champagne wishes and caviar [bleeeaaaargh]

At the battleship, Charla and Mirna search for the clue. They're followed by Marshall and Lance. Mirna and Charla find the Detour clue first, and they run off to "hide." Sigh. At first, both teams decide to drink the shot, and as they're leaving, they run into Chip and Kim, whom Marshall or Lance admonishes to watch out for the slippery walkway. Aw. Nice, generous jerk. In her cab, Mirna directs the driver to the Palace of Vodka as Chip and Kim pick the vodka back at the boat. Mirna then admits to Charla that her instinct was the hockey, but she didn't want to be the one deciding what to do. Charla jumps in, saying that she wants to do the hockey too, so they should just do the hockey. In fact, she is eager. "Let's go do the hockey!" she says.

Colin and Christie are still at the restaurant. "What's stopping you right now?" he asks her. "It tastes so bad," she says, starting to get teary. "I know, baby," he says, trying to sound sympathetic. He tells her to take smaller bites. He tells her to close her eyes. He tells her to close her nose. For a guy who didn't think he could do it himself, he sure is full of advice. Why doesn't he assume that what's stopping her is whatever would have stopped him? She starts crying. He comes over and strokes her hair, and he doesn't take off his gloves, which is very unfortunate. Because a guy coming up from behind you with gloved hands near your neck does not cause a feeling of deep and abiding security. He instructs her to take one bite at a time and not think about it. But now, she's got herself worked up, and it's a crisis. "Oh, my God," she says miserably.

After a brief complaint that her ass is too big, Charla manages to get into her hockey gear, as does Mirna. "I feel sooooo protected," Charla gripes. "Thanks a lot, Mirna, for not drinking vodka!" she yells. Who did I just hear saying she wanted to do the hockey? Eh, shut up, you.

There is lots of activity at the Palace of Vodka, where Marshall and Lance take their drinks and get their clue. Outside, they grab a couple of locals who are apparently willing to get them to the Bronze Horseman monument on foot. Oh, beware the unknowing locals. Sigh. Chip and Kim arrive at the palace.

Jaunty and vaguely Russian music of the boop-boop-boop variety follows Mirna and Charla into the goal. Charla has no stick, for whatever reason. "I geeve you keees eef you take eeeeasy," Mirna says in her peculiar version of Russian, which consists of a Bullwinkle-inspired accent. I doubt it's because they want a keees, but if you watch the hockey players here, incidentally, you will see that they do indeed go extremely easy on these two, compared to Brandon and Nicole. These aren't slapshots -- they're just kind of scooping the puck in the general direction of the goal. They're more like passes than they are like shots. That's one thing I don't like about this kind of task: it allows too much fudging by other people. Mercy from third parties is the enemy of the race, as it prevents the Philiminating of the unworthy.

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Amazing Race




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