Amazing Race
Whatever It Takes To Win

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 4 USERS: A+
The Guidos are evil

Tunis airport, with many Tunisian flags. (I think this show is going to create one of those weird quirks in American knowledge where only seven percent of people questioned will have the ability to identify the Vice President, but half of the population will have the ability to identify the Tunisian flag.) Bill and Joe walk up to Tunis Air and ask for tickets in French. You know, I like potatoes au gratin as much as the next person, but if I never have to hear French again after this show is over, it's going to be such a relief. At the ticket counter, they learn that there's a strike in Rome for part of the day, so you can't go directly there. They set up a flight that connects in Zurich, and hey! Here comes Shower-Fresh. "Drew has just arrived," Bill announces gravely. Wide-angle close-up of Drew that makes him look seriously menacing. No, SERIOUSLY menacing. "Look at his face," Joe and Bill chortle. (TGOOOT, Part 3.) Bill goes over and conspiratorially whispers to the flight attendant (in subtitled French) that the other contestants are arriving. (TGOOOT, Part 4.) She could give a crap, Bill. Look at her face.

Now, Drew seems to sense that Guido is up to something, because as he stands next to Bill, he says, "You better be careful, you don't want to get one of your legs broken." I'm sort of sad that they didn't show a little lead-in for that, because we've seen nothing from Drew that suggests he would have said that for no reason. Bill and Joe laugh. Yes, they LAUGH. For that matter, so do the people behind the ticket counter. It's pretty clear that nobody thinks this is threatening. (Save that thought for later.) Drew now, in a way I find totally endearing and funny, tells Bill and Joe that he and Kevin secretly know French, but they're just holding it in reserve. "We don't give away that we know French," he says. "We know it." Bill: "Well, that's good, now WE know." Bill manages to laugh at his own joke while still prominently displaying his utter lack of any genuine sense of humor whatsoever. I don't know how he does it, but he does. Drew hovers. Bill suddenly turns to Drew and says, in French, "I do the work and you benefit." Then he translates it, "Don't get so mad at me, I'm doing the work for you." As he makes this unbelievably condescending comment, which makes no sense, in that he isn't getting Drew and Kevin tickets, he pats Drew on the arm. Bill? You are totally begging this guy to beat the crap out of you. I don't condone violence from anyone, but I've known enough relatively peace-loving guys who have told me about the few times they've gotten into fights to know that what you're doing right now is considered provocation by about eighty percent of the guys you're likely to meet. So quit it.

But does Bill quit it? Heck, no. Drew, being the bigger man in more ways than one, says, "I was just kidding about the breaking the legs part." He smiles, and you know that he WAS kidding, in the sense that he won't actually break Bill's legs, but he also WASN'T kidding, in the sense that he WISHES he could break Bill's legs. And Bill? Pinches. Drew's. Cheek. If there's more of a sign for "I have no respect for you, and I'm going to tweak you because I know you're too classy to beat the shit out of me" than pinching a guy like Drew on the cheek, I don't know what it is. Fortunately for Bill, Drew smiles, but he's thinking about how it would feel to deliver Bill to the Coliseum unexpectedly early -- by catapult.

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Amazing Race




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